#this could fix everything that's wrong with me

[selkie-on-land]

I always saw this quote ''trauma it's your fault but it's your responsibility to heal '' used to blame victims of male violence, especially in the militant/new generations. It goes usually with this bs ''if you don't work on healing you're just a an abuser and a predator exactly like men are ''. But it's the same rhetoric and literally same sentence that ''if you don't report/press charge on this abuser, you're just a an abuser and a predator exactly like men are. And if they abuse someone else, this on you not on them. '' and they usually goes hand in hand. Like every time I've seen someone said/wrote one, they always have already said the other one too. And it's always said in response to a woman testifying/open up on her abuse.

It goes hand in hands with this one too ''you're an abuser to share your abuse like that. You're literally traumatising and abusing everyone who is going to read you. You're not a feminist/victim you're just like any man. You should be ashamed of yourself and fix it before damaging every woman that you speak to. This is just trauma dumping and this is very wrong, this is an abuser tactic. ''

Until now, I was too emotional/triggered to think about that in an analysis process because I have a lot of cptsd from those types of response when I tried to talk about some of my abuse. And it deeply traumatized me to the point where I'm now unable to open up about any of my abuse except if the subject is already opened up. Even in therapy btw, because I'm deeply convinced that if I do I'm going to abuse my therapist.

To the point where I'm wondering if all three are not actually the same thing or part of the same thing. Maybe that thing has a name, but I can't find it. If you do, please, I would gladly know it!

I think that this is victim blaming but in a very specific manner, that seems to be different than the one usually spread, and maybe silencing victims voice but I don't know it feels like I'm missing something ? I thought about DARVO ? But darvo is used by an abuser on his victims not from an external source, right? Or maybe I don't know enough about it.

I received this type of comments/abuse from younger and my own generation (90s), never from an older one. And I mostly received this in space made for speaking out your abuse, like Call for testimonies for this or that violence, in every single ''feminist'' space ivl as irl.

Even now, here, I'm not comfortable with writing this down because I was always also assaulted when I was calling out this type of behaviour so it's very sensitive for me. It's been half an hour since I'm spiraling into anxiety to post or to delete everything. I know I shouldn't feel that way. I know that this is wrong. I'm wrong I know. But it's eating me from the inside. Why ? Why am I struggling like this, usually I don't, I don't even care of what people might think of what I wrote. But here I'm just freezing because I know, statically, it's absolutely certain that I'm going to be assaulted and abused if I click on the reblog button and I don't want to be assaulted or abused. So the only way to be sure I won't is to not post this. I hate myself for just such pity like I feel like I'm exactly what they refer to when they talk about victim personality that self pity etc. Oh fuck off Anna and post it anyway!

Edit : it lasted 4 hours. I had to put in private because I was (and still am) in a big anxiety attack and autistic meltdown due to the pressure and anxiety of waiting to see when the assault I'm waiting is going to happen. (Also waiting mode from my autism). I hope I will be able to let it that way and won't have to delete it. Also wish I could just let it be as all my other post. But obviously I'm too traumatized by women in ''feminist'' space for that.

crazy how trauma isn't your fault but it's your responsibility to heal.

[cvnntagious]

:: babydaddy!matt finally confronts brat!reader about her sudden distance, but it doesn’t quite go as expected

conversations like these were hard for matt, to say the least — he hated to feel like he was overstepping boundaries you'd so carefully set in any way, but he had to. everything was going so well between you two. for it to all suddenly slip between his ringed fingers like water? he couldn't just sit back and let you push him away like this.

with the silence in the living room, save for the cartoon mazzy had fallen asleep watching beside matt, he felt a familiar yearning in his chest. now had to be the time. he was done psyching himself out of words like he had the past week now.

standing from his spot, careful not to wake the sleeping toddler, matt practically tip-toed over to your bedroom. your head snapped up when you heard the three soft knocks on your door frame, assuming it was matt getting ready to tell you he was heading home for the night, like had become recent routine. matt then cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets in a brief moment of silence. "you're gonna have to tell me what's wrong eventually, " he finally spoke up, heart pounding in his eardrums like they never had before.

"what?" was your immediate reply, playing dumb as your deadpan facial expression remained unwavering.

matt's eyebrows immediately furrowed, knowing you were just playing games with him now. he couldn't be too upset though, or else he'd never get to the bottom of all your weird behavior. "baby, is it something i did?" he questioned, completely disregarding your clueless act, "we can talk this through; we always do. you just have to tell me what's wrong."

the way you looked at him - like he were some sort of lunatic standing in front of you - he couldn't say it didn't hurt. always being 'mr. fix it' was getting exhausting, and for probably the first time since he met you, matt began to wonder if it was all really worth it. all the games you played, tugging at his heart strings and using your guys' child to manipulate him... there had to be something more out there, right? was driving him crazy fun for you?

a clear desperation wrote itself all over matt's face, his expression as he stood so timidly in your doorway making you want to crawl out of your skin. “matt…” you trailed off, shifting your seated position in your bed.

“what?” he replies, voice coming out in an almost whine-like manner. he felt this insatiable sense of dread wash over him, like he somehow knew what you were going to say before you even said it.

but when you remained silent, he just couldn’t take it anymore. “y- y’know what, forget i even said anything,” he finally breathed out, an empty feeling at the idea of giving up so easily — there was nothing else he could do, though. he knew how you were: if you didn’t want to talk, you simply weren’t going to. that’s what he told himself.

and he began to turn away, one hand clinging to your doorframe as if it were telling him he needed to stay. “matt, come sit.”

he stopped in his tracks, ears practically perking up at the sentence. his head instantly snapped in your direction, bright blue eyes widened in surprise when they caught you patting the empty space of your bed in front if you. he almost didn’t believe it, all the negative emotions that had once rushed through him in painful waves seeming to instantly subside as a glimmer of hope fluttered in his chest.

maybe that was stupid of him, but this was a real step for you two. a big one, he was sure of it. he wasted no time in taking a few steps across the room to reach you, carefully sitting in front of you. watching as matt bit the inside of his cheek in anticipation, a nervous habit he’s had all the time you’ve known him, you took a deep breath to prepare yourself.

matt was so ready. he needed to know what was wrong, eyes eagerly scanning your face at the idea of you finally opening up to him after all this time. “you know you’re a great dad, right?” you muttered, your words much different than what he’d expected.

that caught him off guard, a small twitch in his features telling you he was a bit confused. he wasn’t sure what mazzy had to do with any of this. you two were co-parenting just fine, always have been, whether you were on good terms or not. but he kept quiet, silently urging you to explain yourself.

“and you’re so loving–full of emotions that…” you paused, trying to think of the right words.

somehow, matt was catching on, no longer so pleased with the idea of you ‘opening up’ to him anymore. it was like you’d taken him on a roller coaster he didn’t sign up to ride, and he hated that. “…that i can’t handle.”

right, he knew that. matt knew you were never fond of his big emotions, always telling him he can be too much at times. and he understood. he never wanted to put whatever he was feeling onto you. he wasn’t, though; he knew he wasn’t. so what’s all this about?

it took a moment for matt to think up a response, sighing a bit before he cleared his throat. “i don’t get what that has to do with you acting all weird. i’ve only been trying to keep us together… as a family,” he opposes, shrugging a bit to seem less caught up about this than he actually was.

too quick for matt’s comfort, you nodded, a small hum following. “does that apply to the sex, too?”

almost taken aback, his mouth opened as if he were ready to say something, but nothing came out. “you suck at no strings attached, matthew. i know what you’re thinking every time you come around,” you added, each word like a barbed blade stabbing at an open wound. was this too cruel? no, it couldn’t be—you were only telling him the truth, and god, did he need to hear it. “you think that whenever we’re sleeping together, we’re on ‘good terms’, like it’s grounds for fixing everything and becoming one happy family where your daughter’s parents are happily in love.”

you had him there and he knew it, but for you to just sit and tell him all his efforts are for nothing so easily? he knew there had to be something more to it. you weren’t telling him something. “but when we’re not-”

“it doesn’t work that way. now go home, matt”

and don’t ever say matt was in denial because he’s not… at least, that’s what he told himself as he did the walk of shame from your apartment to his car, that nagging feeling of yearning he’d felt earlier somehow worse now.

w/c : 1.1k

a/n : there will be no part two

-love, your grandma cvnty ☆!

[miniwheat77]

Loser. (Soap x Virgin!Reader.)

!NSFW, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, innocent reader, NO MINORS!

Unedited*

“You’d hit that? Even with how innocent Y/N is?”

“Ugh. Until her fuckin’ legs shake mate.” Soap laughs. Gaz rolls his eyes, laughing too. “You’re sick.”

“Nah, I think it’s an act.” Soap smirks. “No twenty-something year old is that naive.”

He doesn’t realize you’re listening on the other side of the door. They’d chose to have this conversation right outside the office you usually worked in. It was late and they didn’t figure you were still inside.

———

Later that night, you’re in the watch tower alone. It’s dark out, it’s pretty late. Soap is supposed to be up here with you, but you’re early. You’re curious about what he had said. What he meant by it anyways. Hit that? Until your legs shake? What does that even mean? You wanted to ask but also knew how wrong it had been of you to eavesdrop in the first place.

Soap walks through the door and startles you out of your daydream and you act as if you hadn’t heard his entire conversation earlier with Gaz. “Hey little lady.” He smiles. “Hi Johnny.” You smile back at him. Looking away quickly. He can tell that you’re acting off. “Everything alright?” He asks. “Uh.. yeah.” You mumble. He can tell you’re off. You knew that you should have listened to the others on base and stayed away from him. Sarah and Layla had told you on more than one occasion to stay away from him but had never actually explained why. You knew that the two could be a little overdramatic at times.

“I have a question actually.” Soap says, sliding a chair up to sit next to you. “Why do you wear your hair like that?” He asks.

“L-like what?” You brush it down. He makes you nervous, you aren't sure why.

“It’s always done up real nice. Sometimes you even got cute clips in it and stuff.” He toys with the ends that hang by your face, seeing the way your cheeks redden by his touch alone. You look down with a laugh. “Uh.. I’m not sure. I guess it’s just something I picked up on from my mo-“ you pause, shaking your head.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks. “Uh.. it’s just… I guess I just don’t like to talk about my parents.” You mumble. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But I’ll listen anytime you’d like.” He smiles, resting a hand on your knee. It doesn’t seem like it, but Johnny is being genuine. The other girls' words are always echoing around in your head. Johnny seemed nice and you needed to ignore what they said sometimes.

“They uh… they were very religious. So far beyond the normal extent that it was like a cult.” You look up at him. “No offense but is that kind’ve why you’re a little…”

“Sheltered?” You smile. “Well I wasn’t gonna say it.” He laughs.

“Yes it is. They didn’t let me have exposure to stuff like TV or books. Homeschooled all my life, expected to be well kempt and tidy. I guess some things just stuck. My room is spotless and my hair is always fixed.” You shrug. He smiles. “I like it though. Wouldn’t be you if it wasn’t I suppose.” He laughs.

“So. I know I shouldn’t have been listening, but I heard you talking to Gaz earlier.”

Soaps cheeks nearly light on fire.

“Uhhh. You weren’t supposed to hear it.” He laughs. “I’m sorry.”

“Well if you’re saying sorry it means it wasn’t good, what you were saying. I don’t know what that means.”

He furrows his brows in confusion. “Do uh… you not know what Sex is?”

Your eyes widen. “What? Y-yeah I know what it is. What does that have to do with this?” He sees the way you start to backtrack. How nervous you get talking about it. “I’d hit that” he laughs, repeating himself. In disbelief you have no idea what he meant when he said it. He looks down at the ground away from you. “It’s… a slang term. For sex.” He laughs. You look confused. “You’ve never heard it?” He asks. “No. I know what sex is but I’ve not mapped out the slang terms I guess. So what you were saying.” You swallow hard. Eyes finally moving up to meet his. You're starting to realize what he had meant. “You…” You’re very hesitant. “I would have sex with you, that’s what I meant.” He laughs. You try to play it off with a small laugh but he can see that you’re different now. “I’ve.. I’ve never um…” you rest your hand on the back of your chair. “I know. I can tell.”

He runs his tongue over his bottom lip. "I honestly thought that this was some kind of act you were putting up. Until you mentioned your parents. I feel like a dick now. I shouldn't have said what I said and I want you to know that what I was saying was really disrespectful of me. I shouldn't have been saying anything like that." He looks down at his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.

"What?" You ask. "I thought that wanting to have sex with someone is like a compliment or something." You mumble. "It is. Well. Kind of." He shakes his head with a laugh. "Look. It's awkward but I'll teach you all of the stupid slang terms alright? It doesn't make sense, you're supposed to grow up hearing this stuff and learn what it means along the way alright?" He laughs. You nod your head. "Okay. Yeah. Got it. " You blush. "Thank you Johnny." You mumble. "Course.” He laughs.

“You said something else too uh… until my legs shake? What does that mean?” Johnny’s face is on fire, embarrassed and blushing. How is he supposed to explain this away?

He sighs. “Well. This is what I get for being gross ah?” He laughs. “Sometimes during sex if it’s.. rough enough or good enough, your legs will shake. I guess. It’s more complex than that. You know.. Um... I'm gonna write down a website and I want you to look it up. Don't be scared alright? And don't watch it with anyone else around, it's bad."

"If it's bad why are you telling me to watch it?" You ask. "Because... It's about sex and you know how apprehensive you are about it. Everyone else is too. This website it's for adults only, watch it alone. You'll understand. If you see something you want to know about you can ask me or research it on like... an incognito browser on your phone. I'll show you how to do that too." He mumbles. He picks up a piece of printer paper and looks around until he finds a pen. He writes down the very familiar website and than shows you on your phone how to get to an incognito browser. Reminding you to never watch it with people around.

You have an idea of what he's telling you to look up.

Later that night when you’re off watch, you’re making sure your earbuds are connected to your phone before you look up the website he’s telling you about, the front page is intimidating enough before you even click on a video.

Hours later you’re still awake. The amount of terms you’ve learned about, the videos you’ve seen.

You feel corrupted.

Urban Dictionary and a Porn website have turned your entire life around. No wonder your parents kept you sheltered.

You finally fall asleep just a couple hours before you’re supposed to be awake. A new ache between your legs and you’re unsure how to fix it or make it feel better. The next day, you’re exhausted but everything you had learned the night before changed your perspective on everything. The conversations you had overheard from the men on base suddenly made so much sense. Why Layla and Sarah had told you to stay far away from Johnny made so much sense now.

“Uh.. Earth to Y/N. You alright?” Ghost waves his hand in your face and you jerk back away from him, swallowing hard. “Uh.. yeah. Sorry. Just didn’t sleep well.”

“Something keeping you awake love?” Ghost places his hand on your knee and Johnny watches across from the table as you go completely stiff, looking down at his hand. “Yeah.” You say it, “wait no. No I mean no. Sorry.” You shake your head, standing up fast. “Just slept in too late yesterday. I’ve got to go get some paperwork done.” You mumble. “See you guys around.” You wave, hurrying out of the mess hall and into your office. “What was that about?” Ghost laughs. "I think she's just stressed." Johnny laughs. He was getting a little nervous by your reaction. Maybe he had given you too much all at once.

———

You were desperate. You didn't care anymore. It had been almost two weeks since Johnny had showed you the website. He'd answered any questions you had, didn't matter how awkward.

You had so much pent up arousal. You were horny from days and days of watching nothing but videos. You wanted anything. You hurried up the watch tower stairs, heart thudding in your chest. You step inside, nerves growing as you such in a sharp breath. “Hey, everything okay?” He asks.

You swallow hard. “Yeah…”

“No not really.” You mumble. You take your seat like usual and face away from Johnny for a second. You don’t know how to ask him for help, you feel shameful. “What’s goin on? I do somn?” He asks. “Yeah. Yeah you did. You showed me what porn is and now I feel weird all of the time.” You huff. He laughs. “You don’t feel weird. You’re just horny.” You sigh. Tilting your head back and closing your eyes. “Yeah well. It sucks!” You groan. You feel tears pricking your eyes from your frustration. “What, touching yourself isn’t enough?” He laughs. “Touching myself?”

The thought of you doing that sounds foreign. “Oh dear… don’t tell me you’ve been watching 2 weeks worth of porn and haven’t made yourself cum.” He laughs. You stay quiet. “Poor girl, no wonder you’re so frustrated.” He laughs. You stand up, pacing back and forth slow. You’re trying to think to yourself. “I don’t really know how, no really. I’ve seen videos but they’re usually not helpful in the slightest.” Johnny glides his tongue over his bottom lip. Seeing you so frustrated has him a little riled up himself. “I.. not sure how much trust me.” He laughs.

You turn to look at him. Your pupils are blown wide.

“I could show you… if you wa-“

You nod your head before he even finishes his sentence. He leans forward in his chair, motioning you to come forward with his fingers. Your stomach fills with butterflies.

“Just uh.. take a deep breath, alright?” You nod your head. You’re still standing a ways away from him. He reaches out, pulling you forward by the back of your thigh, until you’re right directly in front of him. He looks up at you. “S’alright lass. Nothing to be nervous about.” He mumbles. You’ve sat next to Johnny sure, but this is different. You’re closer to him than you ever have been. He smells like cologne and hair pomade. You close your eyes as you he reaches for your cargo pants. You don’t make any movements to stop him. He continues. He unbuttons them, slow. He doesn’t want to startle you or move too fast. He wants to give you ample time to stop him. You have a choice, he wants to make that known. He tugs them down slightly, you close your eyes tight. Biting your lip. What you were about to trust him with was a lot. Further than you’ve ever gone with anyone else.

He grasps the waistband of your panties, pushing them down just far enough he could get a hand between them and your skin. He glides his hand between them.

Johnny glides the side of his pointer finger across your slit. Collecting your arousal on his finger. When he draws it away he can see just how wet you are. It drives him fucking crazy.

He parts his fingers, seeing strings of your arousal across them. His cock is rock hard in seconds, by far the most turned on he’s ever been in his life. He lets out a laugh. Shaking his head. “My god you are wet.” he shakes his head, biting his lip. He growls under his breath. He wants to devour you. Fuck you until your legs really shake, until you’re crying out for more. “You been watching more videos, Bonnie?” He asks. You nod your head. “See you’ve found one you like” he chuckles. You chew at your lip nervously. “Johnny..” you whine. “Hm?”

“I want to know what it feels like to cum..” you look down at him. “Please show me.” You whine.

“I’ll show you, doll. Just relax into me okay?” He breathes. “Cmere, why don’t you sit in my lap.” He pulls you forward. You spin around, sitting down on him. You can feel his erection pressing into you. He pushes your cargo pants and panties down further, until one of your legs is completely free. “Prop your leg up on me, don’t be shy.” He sighs. His warm breath is right against your ear. He pushes your hair behind your ear, he wants you to hear him. He’s going to talk you through it.

“Just watch my hand. Do as I say. I’ll show you how lass.” He breathes. You nod your head. Your face is hot, in such a daze you barely even know what’s going on around you. “I’m so horny Johnny.. I can’t take it.” You cry. Tears filling your eyes. “Just watch darling..” he trails his hand across your bare stomach, he’d pulled your shirt up. Pushing down, until his huge hand glides over your mound. Stopping just right at the top. He circles over your clit with two of his fingers, feeling you jump against him. “It’s going to be really sensitive. Since you’ve never touched here before, alright?” You nod your head. You’re panting. “It’s your clit. You try.” He moved his hand lower, drawing circles around your opening as you start to rub your clit. You’re getting more comfortable, relaxing into him. “That’s it. Just keep doing that for me, yeah.” He breathes. He raises his hand to his mouth. Using his saliva to wet down his fingers enough. Circling his spit over your hole. He’s prepping you.

“Deep breath.” He mumbles. You nod your head.

He doesn’t have to stretch you too much. He pushes his finger in, feeling you tense up. “Oh god.” You pant. Wiggling your hips lower into him. You pause your movement, whining out. “Keep rubbing your clit baby. I didn’t say to stop.” He breathes. His voice is low and sexy. He’s turned on. A side of Johnny you hadn’t seen.

He pairs another finger up, pushing it back into you. You gasp, clutching his wrist with your free hand. “There you go darling.” Your breaths get a little more rigid. Nearly panting out as he fingers you. “Keep going darling. Gentle, not too fast now.” He guides you.

“I- oh god!” You cry. “There you go baby. That’s it… give it to me.” He whines, raising his hips into you. You can tell he wants relief of his own.

You grasp his hand, forcing him away. “Woah- hey. Everything okay?” He asks. You stand on one leg. Turning so that you could straddle his lap. Sitting down on him again. “F-fuck..” he grits his teeth. “What’re you doing?”

“I want to know what it’s like.” You look him in the eyes. “Y/N.” He warns. He knows what it is you want.

“Johnny.” You repeat his name back. “Your virginity is really important. I think you’re just really turned on. Not thinking straig-“ he clenches his eyes shut as you rut your hips into his. He swallows hard. “You can’t take it back. Once you do it with me, I’ll always be your first.” He breathes. “I think you should really think about it.” He swallows hard. “I think I’ve got my mind made up, MacTavish.” You sigh, hands clutching at the collar of his shirt. You lean into him, lips brushing over his. You kiss him, hard. He can feel your heart thumping in your chest.

Johnny is in shock. Because this isn’t just another hook up and you’re not just another girl.

You’re Y/N. The girl who is supposed to be so far out of his reach, out of his league even. You’re not someone Johnny ever expected to be sitting in his lap, wanting more than just a kiss even. Wanting to…

He has to draw himself out of his trance. You want your first to be him. And Johnny up until this point is recognized as a scumbag. Everyone knows it. He’s desperate for any kind of attention he’ll get. He knows that this is how people feel about him. Maybe they don’t know him, don’t know that he wants to be loved. He wants it all, using any way he can to get it, even if it does make him look like an asshole.

Not anymore. Johnny wants your attention. Yours and yours only, he knows it.

“Okay.. look at me.” He pushes back. “If you want me to do this, we’re gonna do it right.” You nod your head. “We’ll go slow. I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to know that this is how you should be treated. Always. Okay?” You nod your head.

He unbuckles his belt, pushing his jeans down his thighs just enough. You swallow hard at the size of him, not sure what you were expecting. “Are you sure?” You nod your head. Looking at him. You prop yourself up and he helps you. Spitting in his hand and gliding it up his cock. If he had lube he’d use it. Knowing how bad this is about to hurt you. Once he’s got himself lined up with your entrance, you’re eager. Pushing yourself down onto him. He tries to force you to be gentle. You’re in a hurry. Desperate to have him inside of you.

Once you get to that point, where you start to stretch, you slow. Biting your lip. He can tell it’s starting to hurt.

“It’s okay- it’s alright lass. Deep breath for me.” Soaps face crunches up in pleasure, trying his best to conceal it because he doesn’t want to enjoy this when you’re not.

“Oh fuck…” he pants. His voice is so unsteady you can’t help but smile. “Are you okay Johnny?”

“Y-yeah. You just feel so fucking good.” He smiles, eyes closing. “Just a little more, you’re doing so good for me.” He pants. You hiss, and he hesitates. Drawing his hips back into the chair and raising you up slightly. He gathers more arousal at the tip of his cock. Spearing you further onto him. It’s easier to slide like this.

“I’m going to push all of the way alright? Deep breath.” He lowers you completely, burying his head into the crook of your neck. He takes in a sharp breath, standing up with you. It’s not the best place for it, but not the worst. He lays you right on the ground. It’s clean, you’d just cleaned it the night before.

The feeling of all of his body weight on you is intimidating. Something you’ve never felt before. He takes one deep thrust and you’re gasping out, a cry leaving your lips as he penetrates to the deepest parts of you. Just like that, it’s over.

You have your eyes screwed shut and he gives you a couple minutes to adjust before he starts fucking you. He’s slow, trying to ease the pain.

And it works. Your eyes soften as they slowly open, lips going from locked shut to parted. Your hands had a tight hold on his shirt and they’re staring to relax. You were dead quiet, but as he moves you start to pant.

You’re starting to like it.

Soap sighs, thank god.

He keeps a steady pace until he knows you can take more and then he’s rocking his hips into you deeper. “Oh god Johnny.” You mewl, opening your legs wider for him. Giving him complete access to you. His eyes widen.

Johnny has been with his fair share of women, each different from the last. You’re by far the most gentle, skin soft against his. Your clutches are even soft when you run your hands through his mow hawk and grip it. Your body is like a clouded temple and the fact that he’s been allowed inside is something Johnny is going to cherish, he’s never letting this go. He’s made up his mind.

He starts driving himself into you at a brutal pace. You’re trying your best to stay quiet but it’s hard. “Ah, Johnny. S’a lot.” You breathe. “Deep breathes, I said I’d make your legs shake and I intend on it darling.” He chuckles. You can’t help but blush.

He expected it to be easier, but you’re taking a lot. “Johnny I- I’m gonna cum!” You whine. Your legs start to shiver just slightly and he smiles. “Go on doll, show me how good I make you feel. Cum for me.” You screw your eyes shut, focusing on the knot building and how his cock stimulates the perfect place to make it unwind. He’s getting overwhelmed. This is the first time you’ll ever cum. Not just that. The first time you’ll ever cum, and it’s around his cock. Not from your fingers, or even his. Not a pillow you’re desperately rutting into. Around Johnny’s dick.

He lowers his hand, pressing his fingertips into your clit and your mouth parts in shock, how good he feels is unmatched. A cry barely leaves your lips and he covers your mouth with his hand. Fucking you into your high. When you hit it, your legs shake.

Just like in the videos.

You’re on the verge of crying when Johnny hits his high. He’s panting and whining and it’s almost pathetic as he reaches it. He doesn’t think to pull out.

———

“Y/N. He’s just using you. He wants to fuck you and then dump you. That’s who he is. He’s a loser.” Layla rolls her eyes.

Her words cut through you like a knife. “I.. why are you saying that?”

“Because it’s what guys like him do Y/N. He doesn’t want anything serious. He’d have a girlfriend if that were the case. I bet his body count would cripple you because he’s just a gross loser. He wants sex and no offense, but you’re naive and he knows if he shows up and shows out you’ll be dumb enough to give it to him. No offense.” She waves her hand. “I’m not trying to be a bitch but it’s true. I’m not saying to listen to me, I’m just warning you before you catch feelings and get your heart broken. You heard how he used to talk about you.”

You nod your head. “Thank you.” You mumble, turning away from her. The tears are hot as they spill over your eyelids the moment she can’t see your face anymore. You hurry away.

She was going to go find Johnny.

“I know you’re trying to get your claws into Y/N, but you need to stay away from her.”

She catches Johnny off guard, he’d just gotten off of watch with you. “What are you talking about?” He hurries to cover up the love bites he's got on his neck from you.

“I’m talking about how you’ve been spending so much time with her. I know you. You’re nothing but a loser looking for someone who will put out for you. That’s not her. So leave her alone.” He shakes his head. “You’ve got it wrong.”

“Do I? Because everyone here has heard the way you talk about her and other women.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t have anything to prove to you okay? I’m friends with Y/N and I care a lot about her whether you believe it or not." He's getting angry. "Whatever. I guess since she's so stupid and naïve we'll find out when you get her to fuck you." The words are laced with venom.

His face goes stone cold and he pauses, standing straight up and taking a step toward her. He's sharp with her.

"She's not stupid. Say whatever you want about me. Call me a loser, fine. But if you say that to me again we will have a much bigger problem on our hands." He's stern and his voice is quiet. "She's smart and she's had it rough. She's learning everything day by day. Naïve yes. Stupid? Absolutely not. Now back off." He growls. She is a little intimidated but she plays it off with a huff and leaves. His reaction to her calling you stupid had taken her completely off guard.

Maybe he really did have feelings for you.

———

"You know, one way to really find out if he likes her is to hit on him and see if he takes the bait." She shrugs. "Yeah, but I don't want to hurt Y/N by doing that." She sighs. "Layla, she'll get hurt even worse if she gives her V card up to that loser and he treats her like shit after." Her eyes are wide as she looks at her.

"I know Sarah. I guess you're right. Let's give it a go. But I already pissed him off so it's got to be you." She looks up from her tray of food. "Gross. Whatever." She scoffs.

The two wait until that night. Soap gets to the watch tower first and she takes the opportunity, heading up the stairs. Layla stays at the bottom of the stairs just in case.

She wants to stop you at the bottom and give Sarah enough time to do what she needs to do.

"Uh.. something wrong?" You ask. You startle her, she hadn't been paying attention. "Shit! You scared me. No- no nothing is wrong. I just really needed to ask you a question and it couldn't wait." Her response is fast and it has you narrowing your eyes. "What is it?"

"It's... uhh." She pauses, trying to come up with something on the fly. "Look.. about you and Soap..."

"Jesus Layla, I've already starting retracting from him, I really just want this all behind us." You groan, pushing passed her. "Wait!" She grasps your hand. "What is going on? Why are you stalling to keep me down here?" You tear your arm out of her grasp and move further up the stairs but she's hot on your tail. "She's testing him!"

You pause right outside the door. "What?"

"She's going to hit on him to see if he'd cave. Y/N we don't want you to get hurt by him.” She says. "Jesus Christ." You reach for the handle but pause when you hear Soap.

"Sarah, I'm not interested okay? I've told you like 3 times now. I... I like Y/N. And I'm sure she wouldn't like knowing that you're doing this. Because I respect her enough, the moment she comes through those doors I'll tell her." He takes a step back.

You and Layla can hear it on the other side of the door but she tries to stop you as you reach for the door again.

"Oh come on John. You'd be stupid to pass this up." Her voice is low and she's trying to sound sexy. They hear shuffling inside. "You need to leave me alone. I... I love Y/N. You and Layla can believe it or not but I do and I'm done with whatever this is. Back off before I make you."

You shove the door open. "That's enough!" You yell.

Soap and Sarah jump. "What the fuck is the deal?"

"Did you put them up to this?" He asks. "Of course I didn't put them up to this, I'm not fucking crazy." The swears leaving your lips have everyone in the room startled. "I don't know what the obsession is with you two trying to protect me from Soap when it's none of your business!"

"We just don't want you to give your V card to him because he's a fucking loser Y/N!" Layla calls back.

"I already had sex with him!"

The rooms falls quiet.

Their eyes are wide and even Soap is completely baffled. "I already gave him my virginity. I already slept with him, we've had sex multiple times." You have your arms crossed. Scolding them like a mother scolds her kids. "Seriously? Why didn't you lead with that?" Sarah hisses. "Because you both have been acting crazy."

"You.. you love her? You had sex with her and you still like her..?" Layla and Sarah turn to Soap. He looks away. "Yeah. I do. Maybe if you both had given it a chance you would've seen it." He sighs. "I just threw myself at him and he didn't take the bait. I think that's enough for me." Sarah shrugs her shoulders.

"Give us some space please." You sigh.

"Okay.. We owe you a huge apology Y/N. We had no idea." Layla mumbles. "It's fine, we'll talk later." You sigh. They both leave, the moment the door is closed you're locking it behind them. "Those two, my god." You laugh. He starts laughing too. "Yeah, a bit protective." He chuckles. "I'm sorry about that." You roll your eyes.

"It's alright. They're just looking out for you. Hitting on me though, that's a bit crazy."

"Very crazy."

The both of you start laughing, unable to contain it.

"Cat's out of the bag now I guess."

"Yeah, yeah I guess it is." You look up at him. He's beginning to close the distance between the both of you. "You ready to make this official yet or what?" He smirks. "I don't think that that's the way to properly ask a girl out MacTavish."

"I also don't think it was very respectable of you to let me hit it before at least becoming my girlfriend either, Y/L/N." He raises a brow. "Fuck you." You roll your eyes. Playful smile on your lips. "I'll never get used to you cursing like that. It's kind of sexy actually." He leans in, lips right by yours. "Shut up and ask the question Johnny."

"Fine." He laughs.

"Y/N. Will you be my girlfriend? Officially."

"Yes." You laugh. "Thank god." He mumbles, wrapping his arms under your thighs and lifting you up. You wrap your legs around his waist. He pushes you into the wall behind you, you can feel that he's already hard as he presses into you.

"Been waiting weeks to finally hear that lass."

[swaps55]

I know everything feels so bleak right now, but I need you to believe me when I say there is hope. Sometimes you just have to look for it, in places you're not used to seeking it out.

One of the things I occasionally do for my job is attend networking events with people who work in planning and development for public agencies like cities, state universities, transit agencies, etc. They talk about the projects they're working on, from new roads to new academic buildings to public parks to new rail lines.

These aren't elected officials - these are people who are doing the work. They're looking at the problems the people they serve has, and are looking for ways to fix them. And they're doing the work. They're looking for solutions, fighting with budgets, making compromises to ensure that they can make at least some of these ideas real.

In the one I attended yesterday, I listened to four different transportation agencies talk about all the ways they are trying to extend rail lines to relieve traffic congestion and pull cars off the road. They have so many challenges in their way, but every day they get up, go to work, and try. Because it will make lives better.

Another project in my area is working hard to add a park to one of the most underserved areas of a major city to make lives better for the people who live there. Right now my job is trying to make sure the awesome people I work with are the ones they pick to make that idea a reality. That's cool. That's some good I can put back into the world.

A community college here is going all out to build more on-campus housing to help relieve the housing crisis because of how many students get their education while living out of their cars. They see this happening - and they want to help. Guess what! I voted to give them more money to do those kinds of projects, and they got the money.

I wish you could hear how passionate and excited these people are. They care. They see problems in their communities and want to fix them. Many times they'll have the wrong priorities, have ideas that won't work, suffer unintended consequences, etc. They're human. But still get up and they try. Every day. That hasn't stopped with this new administration. It won't stop.

If the big picture is making you feel hopeless, look at your community and see what's happening there. These are things that can affect you directly - and make your life better. There are Leslie Knopes in the world!

It may feel like you have no power over what's happening, but I beg you not to lose hope. Even the smallest kindness is an act of rebellion right now. They are trying to take good out of the world. Every good thing we put back in it stands in defiance of that. Good comes in so many shapes and forms. Good is still out there.

All is not lost.

[alex51324]

To get there, liberals need to get into the business of identifying the problems that real Americans face (which honestly, is something they could stand to relearn how to do) and more forcefully blame Trump for those problems’ continued existence. They need to raise a hue and cry over everything under the sun that’s broken, dysfunctional, or trending in the wrong direction; pile line items on Trump’s to-do list, wake him up early and keep him up late. Every day, get in front of cable news cameras and reporters’ notepads with a new problem for Trump to solve and fresh complaints about the work not done. ... For certain, Democrats can be grateful if he actually makes good on any of his “I alone can fix it” promises. (Or rather, they can take credit for having goaded Trump to get off his ass and do his job.) But as I’ve suggested before, in advice that Last echoes above, Trump should truly be left to solve these problems on his own. He’s claimed a mandate and congressional majorities, so let him (and his fellow Republicans) figure it out, with Democratic votes on offer only if massive policy concessions supporting Democratic Party interests are included.

Sounds like a plan to me!

An interesting take.

[lila-lou]

✨His true fate - Part 36/?✨

Summary: Jensen hasn't been happy for years. But it seems almost impossible for him to escape. After another nasty argument between him and his wife, he decides to visit his ´former´ best friend for his birthday. Back in Austin, an encounter awaits him that will turn his life completely upside down.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Language, age gap, Angst

Word Count: 8075

A/N: English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

Jensen’s panic quickly shifted to anger, sharp and hot as it coursed through him. He stared at the photo again, his jaw tightening. He recognized the moment immediately—it had been just before Christmas, during one of the most exhausting days he’d had with the kids and Danneel. He’d wanted nothing more than a break, a few quiet moments to himself, and the hot tub had seemed like the perfect escape.

He remembered it vividly: he’d been leaning back, arms stretched out on the edge, eyes closed, a few drinks already in his system. The steam rising around him had been a small comfort, a rare moment of peace in a storm of tension. And then Danneel had appeared, catching him off guard as she joined him—completely naked.

“What the fuck are you doing, Danneel?”, he’d barked, sitting up straight as she slid into the water.

“I just want to talk”, she’d said smoothly, her tone too calm, too practiced. She’d waded closer, her movements deliberate, and before he could react, she’d climbed onto his lap.

The memory made his blood boil. He’d pushed her away immediately, his voice sharp and full of disbelief. “Get off me! What the fuck is wrong with you?”,

But none of that was in the photo. Whoever had taken it—probably Danneel herself—had captured only the moment before, when she was laughing, leaning against him, making it look far more intimate than it had been. The scratch on his bicep from hanging the Christmas picture was like a mocking timestamp, proof of how recent the photo was.

“She planned this”, Jensen muttered to himself, his anger growing with each passing second. “She fucking planned it”.

He clenched his phone tightly, his mind racing. This was exactly the kind of manipulation Danneel was capable of—trying to undermine his relationship with you, to keep him tethered to her for appearances, or simply out of spite. It was infuriating, and it made him feel sick knowing that you’d been hurt because of it.

Jensen paced the room, running a hand through his hair as he tried to figure out what to do. He needed to fix this. He needed to talk to you, to explain everything. But first, he had to make sure this didn’t happen again.

He grabbed his phone and called Danneel. She answered after a few rings, her voice casual, as if she hadn’t just sent a wrecking ball into his life.

“Jensen”, she greeted, her tone almost sweet. “What’s up?”.

“You know exactly what’s up”, he snapped, his voice low and angry. “That photo. The one you sent to her. The fuck are you trying to do?”.

There was a pause, then a feigned laugh. “I have no idea what you’re talking about”.

“Don’t play games with me, Danneel”, he said, his tone sharp. “You set me up. You took that picture knowing exactly how it would look, and then you sent it to her to mess with us. Why?”.

Jensen’s voice was rising, raw and filled with fury. “How the hell did you even get her fucking number?”, he demanded, pacing back and forth, the tension radiating off him in waves. His hand tightened around his phone as though he could physically shake the truth out of her.

Danneel’s pause on the other end of the line was brief but telling. “It wasn’t hard”, she said casually, her tone dripping with smug satisfaction. “You know, Jensen. Your phone always laying around”.

Jensen let out a sharp, bitter laugh, his disbelief bubbling over. “You signed the fucking papers, Danneel! It’s already over. Why the fuck would you try to destroy that for me? Why can’t you just let me be happy?”.

Her voice was calm, too calm, and it only made him angrier. “Because, Jensen, you don’t just get to walk away like this never happened. You don’t get to move on and play house with someone else while everything we built gets left in the dust”.

“Everything we built?”, Jensen snapped, his voice nearly breaking. “You mean the marriage you’ve been emotionally checked out of for years? The marriage that was dead long before I met her? Don’t give me that bullshit, Danneel”.

His words hit a nerve, and her tone turned icy. “Watch yourself, Jensen. I still have plenty of things I could say. Things that could make your little fairy tale crumble”.

Jensen stopped pacing, his body rigid as he pressed the phone closer to his ear. “You think threatening me is going to change anything?”, he growled. “You’re only proving why I had to leave in the first place. I’m done playing these games, Danneel. Done”.

She didn’t respond right away, but he could almost hear her smirk through the silence. “If you were really done, Jensen, you wouldn’t be calling me now, would you?”.

His grip on the phone tightened. “The only reason I’m calling is because you crossed a line. You had no right to send her that picture. None”.

“And yet”, Danneel said smoothly, “it seems to have gotten your attention. Funny how that works”.

Jensen clenched his jaw, the anger simmering in him reaching a boiling point. “You think this is a fucking game, don’t you?”, he said, his voice deadly quiet now. “Well, congratulations. You won this round. But this stops here. Do you hear me? I won’t let you come between us”.

Danneel’s laughter came through the phone, low and cold, the sound sending a fresh wave of frustration through Jensen. “Looks like it’s already working”, she mused, her voice tinged with triumph. “You’re losing your temper, Jensen. I don’t think I’ve heard you this rattled in years”.

He clenched his jaw, his fingers tightening around the phone. “You think this is funny? You’re playing with people’s lives, Danneel. Real people. This isn’t just some power move to make you feel better”.

She ignored his words entirely, her tone dripping with mock concern. “So, how bad was it? Did she already dump you? You don’t call me like this unless you’re desperate. Guess I hit a nerve”.

Jensen’s chest tightened at her question, his mind flashing to you. The guilt was suffocating, but he wasn’t about to give Danneel the satisfaction of knowing she’d hit her mark.

“You’re unbelievable”, he said, his voice low and dangerous. “This isn’t about me. This isn’t about her. It’s about you not knowing when to let go. You signed the papers, Danneel. What the hell do you even want from me?”.

“Maybe I just wanted to remind you who you’re dealing with”, she said smoothly. “You don’t get to rewrite history, Jensen. I was there first, and I’ll always be part of your story, whether you like it or not”.

Jensen let out a harsh laugh, shaking his head even though she couldn’t see him. “You really don’t get it, do you? Being ‘first’ doesn’t mean a damn thing when you treat someone like they’re last. Whatever hold you think you have on me, it’s gone. And if you ever try something like this again, you’ll regret it. Trust me”.

Danneel’s silence stretched for a moment, her smirk almost audible when she finally spoke again. “We’ll see about that”, she said simply, her tone calm and calculating.

Jensen ended the call without another word, throwing his phone onto the couch as he dragged a hand through his hair. His chest felt tight, the weight of the situation pressing heavily on him.

The sun was already high in the sky by the time you stirred awake, your body feeling heavy from a restless night. As you rubbed your eyes and reached for your phone, the missed calls and messages from Jensen were the first thing you noticed. Your chest tightened as you scrolled through, rereading his words:

“This isn’t what it looks like. Please, call me as soon as you wake up. I swear, there’s nothing between us. I love you. I’ll explain everything”.

Despite his reassurances, doubt gnawed at the edges of your mind. How could he explain a picture like that? No matter how much you trusted him, seeing him and Danneel together—naked in a hot tub, no less—felt like a punch to the gut. You needed to hear his voice, needed him to tell you this was some cruel misunderstanding.

You quickly dialed his number, the ringing in your ear feeling like a countdown to answers you weren’t sure you were ready for. But instead of Jensen’s familiar voice, you were met with his voicemail. You tried again, your anxiety climbing higher with each unanswered call.

By the third attempt, you sat back on the couch, your phone still clutched in your hand. Jensen wasn’t picking up, and the hollow ache in your chest grew stronger. Little did you know, he had finally succumbed to the exhaustion that had been dragging at him, having stayed up for hours after his night shoot, waiting for your call. His phone was sitting untouched on the nightstand beside him as he slept deeply.

You stared at your phone, debating whether to leave a message. The weight of your emotions made it hard to think clearly. A part of you wanted to lash out, to demand answers, but another part of you just wanted to cry. Instead, you put the phone down, wrapping your arms around your knees as you tried to steady your breathing.

The room felt too quiet, the silence amplifying every doubt and fear in your mind. Jensen’s reassurances in his message had sounded so genuine, but the image of him and Danneel wouldn’t leave your mind. You hated feeling like this—unsure, insecure, questioning the foundation of a relationship that had always felt so solid.

You curled up on the couch, pulling the blanket over you as you tried to gather your thoughts. You knew you needed to talk to him, but the uncertainty of what you’d hear when you finally connected weighed heavily on you.

The day felt like an endless tug-of-war, each missed connection with Jensen adding to the gnawing anxiety in your chest. Every time he called, you missed it—whether you were in the shower, in the bathroom, or distracted with mundane tasks. Each time you tried to call him back, he was on set, his phone tucked away as he filmed.

It was frustrating, the space between you growing wider with every missed opportunity to connect. But what truly broke you was the message from the unknown number—one that cut through your fragile resolve like a knife:

“You think he’s faithful to you when he wasn’t with me? Don’t fool yourself. Stop being a stupid little girl”.

The words stared back at you from the screen, venomous and cruel. Your stomach twisted, and your hands trembled as you reread the message. It was the same number that had sent the photo, and while you didn’t know who it belonged to, the implication was clear: someone wanted to hurt you. And worse, a part of you couldn’t ignore the nagging fear that it might be true.

The nausea returned with a vengeance, twisting your stomach into knots as the cruel message replayed in your mind. No matter how hard you tried to push it away, it lingered, poisoning your thoughts with doubt and insecurity. By the evening, you found yourself hunched over the toilet, your body trembling as you emptied your stomach yet again. The violent retching left you gasping for breath, your hands clutching the cool porcelain for support.

Tears streamed down your face, a mix of physical exhaustion and emotional turmoil. You hated how deeply it affected you, hated how a few words from an anonymous number could unravel your sense of security. The image of the photo—the hot tub, the laughter, the closeness—was seared into your mind, feeding your worst fears.

By the time the sickness subsided, you were shaking, your body weak and your mind heavy with despair. You leaned back against the bathroom wall, your knees pulled to your chest as you tried to steady your breathing. The house felt too quiet, too empty, amplifying the ache in your chest.

Your phone buzzed from the counter, the sound startling in the silence. You hesitated, reaching for it with trembling hands. The screen lit up with Jensen’s name, and your heart skipped a beat. He was trying again.

You stared at it for a moment, torn between answering and letting it go to voicemail. Eventually, you pressed the green button, your voice hoarse as you whispered, “Yeah?”.

“Baby”, Jensen’s voice came through, filled with relief and urgency. “Finally. I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Are you okay?”.

The sound of his voice sent a fresh wave of emotion crashing over you, and your throat tightened. “No”, you admitted, your voice breaking. “I’m not okay, Jensen. I don’t know how to be okay right now”.

His sigh was heavy, his frustration with himself clear.

"I swear, that picture isn’t real”, Jensen said urgently, his voice tinged with panic. “Well, I mean—it is, but it’s not what it looks like. It’s not what you think, baby. You have to believe me”.

You closed your eyes tightly, tears slipping down your cheeks as you shook your head even though he couldn’t see you. “Jensen, I don’t even know what to believe anymore”, you sobbed, your voice cracking under the weight of your emotions. “It hurts. It hurts so much”.

The sound of your crying broke something in him, and his voice softened, though the desperation was still there. “Don’t say that”, he murmured. “Please don’t say that. I love you. I love you so much, and I would never hurt you like this—not on purpose”.

Your grip on the phone tightened as another wave of tears overcame you. “Then why does it feel like you did?”, you choked out, the pain in your chest almost unbearable. “Why do I feel like I’m just… some stupid little girl, like that message said?”.

Jensen let out a string of curses under his breath, his frustration clear. “That message? That’s not me. That’s not us. That’s Danneel trying to mess with your head. She sent that picture, and I know she sent that message too. She’s trying to ruin what we have because she’s bitter, but it’s not true, baby. None of it is true”.

His words were rushed, almost frantic, and you could hear how much this was tearing him apart. But your mind was a storm of doubt, the image of that photo and the cruel words from the message replaying over and over.

“Then why were you even in that situation?”, you demanded, your voice shaky but laced with a flicker of anger. “Why did it happen in the first place? Do you know what it’s like, sitting here, alone, missing you, and then seeing that? Do you?”.

Jensen’s silence was deafening, and for a moment, you thought he wasn’t going to answer. But then his voice came through, raw and filled with regret. “No, I don’t”, he admitted quietly. “I don’t know what it’s like. But I know that I messed up. I let myself get caught in her bullshit, and it’s hurting you, and I hate it. I hate myself for it”.

Your sobs quieted slightly, your heart aching at the pain in his voice. “Jensen…”, you whispered, unsure of what to say.

“I’m coming home”, he said firmly, cutting you off. “I’ll get on the next flight, and I’ll explain everything to you in person. I need you to see my face when I tell you the truth, baby. Please let me come home and fix this”.

Your heart was racing, torn between the desire to believe Jensen and the lingering doubt clawing at your mind. Just as you were about to respond, you heard a voice in the background, faint but clear enough to interrupt the moment.

“Jensen!”, It was Antony, one of his co-stars. “They need you on set. Now”.

Jensen cursed under his breath, his frustration palpable even through the phone. “Shit”, he muttered, his voice strained. “Baby, I don’t want to hang up, but they’re calling me. I—”.

You cut him off, your voice raw and unsteady. “Go. Just go, Jensen. Do your job”.

He hesitated, clearly torn. “I don’t want to leave you like this”.

“You don’t have a choice, do you?”, you said bitterly, the words slipping out before you could stop them. You immediately regretted the sharpness in your tone but didn’t correct yourself. “Just… do what you have to do”.

“Baby, please”, he pleaded, his voice softening. “Don’t let this fester. I’ll call you back as soon as I’m done. Or better yet, I’ll get on a plane tonight. I swear”.

The line went quiet for a moment as he waited for your response, but all you could manage was a quiet, “Okay”.

“I love you”, he said, the words carrying an almost desperate sincerity.

But you couldn’t say it back, not right now. The silence stretched, and before he could push further, Antony called his name again, more insistent this time.

“I have to go”, Jensen said reluctantly. “Please, just… hold on for me”.

You didn’t respond, and after a beat, the line went dead. The sound of the call ending left an emptiness that felt even heavier than before. You stared at your phone, the quiet around you amplifying every ache in your chest.

For the rest of the day, you felt trapped in limbo, unable to focus on anything. Every time your phone buzzed, your heart jumped, only to sink again when it wasn’t Jensen. The mix of anger, sadness, and doubt churned in you, making it impossible to find peace.

You wanted to believe him. God, you wanted to. But the picture, the message—it was too much. And now, with him gone again, all you could do was wait.

The next morning, the nausea clung to you like a persistent shadow, leaving you drained and barely able to move. Each step to the bathroom felt like a marathon, and the cycle of weakness, tiredness, and hurt seemed unending. Your emotions were already raw, and the physical toll only made everything feel heavier.

Every moment, you expected to hear the door open, to see Jensen standing there with an apology and an explanation. But the house remained quiet, save for the occasional hum of your phone vibrating with notifications that weren’t from him.

When you finally managed to drag yourself back to bed, curling up under the covers in a futile attempt to find comfort, your phone buzzed again. It was from Jensen, and the brief flicker of hope in your chest vanished as you opened the message:

“I’ve tried everything, but I can’t come. They need me in Toronto for two more weeks. I’ll call you tonight—I promise”.

The words blurred in your vision as tears welled up again. Two more weeks. It felt like a lifetime, especially after the emotional storm of the past few days. The hurt twisted in your chest, mingling with a sense of defeat. He wasn’t coming, and the hollow ache of his absence felt unbearable.

You threw your phone onto the bedside table, burying your face into the pillow as your body shook with silent sobs. His promise to call that night was little solace. The distance between you wasn’t just physical anymore—it felt emotional, a canyon growing wider with every unanswered question and missed reassurance.

Hours passed in a haze, the nausea keeping you pinned to the bed as the weight of everything pressed down on you. The day dragged on endlessly, the hours punctuated only by your occasional trips to the bathroom. Each time you returned to bed, the ache in your chest seemed heavier.

When night fell, you stared at your phone, waiting for it to ring. You wanted answers, explanations, anything that could ease the turmoil inside you. But as the minutes stretched into hours, the phone remained silent.

You were too tired to cry anymore. Curling up under the covers, you closed your eyes, your heart heavy as sleep finally claimed you, though it offered no escape from the pain.

Even though Jensen rarely left voice messages, you woke up around midnight to see a notification: a voicemail from him. Your heart raced as you played it, his familiar, exhausted voice filling the quiet room.

“Hey, baby”, he began, his tone heavy with fatigue. “I’m so sorry, but things are absolutely crazy here on set. We’ve had delays all day, and I can’t call tonight. I know you’re upset with me, and I promise we’ll talk soon. I just need you to hang on a little longer. I love you”.

It was the kind of message that would’ve reassured you once—but not now. Not after the past few days of being pushed aside, ignored, and left in the dark. First, the lack of calls or texts. Then the picture and message that shattered your trust. And now, this—another excuse, another delay.

Your emotions surged, the hurt and frustration boiling over into something you could no longer suppress. Gripping your phone tightly, you opened your messages and typed out the words before you could second-guess yourself:

“It’s alright, Jensen. Maybe a little break is what we need right now. See you in two weeks”.

Your thumb hovered over the send button for a moment, doubt creeping in. But the anger and exhaustion won out, and you pressed it, the message sending in an instant.

As the seconds ticked by, the weight of your decision began to settle in. You set the phone down on the nightstand, staring up at the ceiling as your chest tightened. For now, this felt like the only way to protect yourself from the rollercoaster of emotions he’d put you through. You needed space—space to think, to breathe, and maybe even to figure out if this relationship was truly as solid as you’d believed.

Curling up under the covers, you willed yourself to sleep, though your mind refused to quiet. You didn’t know how Jensen would react, or if he’d even respond, but for now, the ball was in his court.

The next few days passed in a blur of unanswered calls and unread messages from Jensen. His texts ranged from concerned to apologetic, to downright pleading, but you couldn’t bring yourself to respond. Every time your phone buzzed, it only added to the weight in your chest.

It wasn’t just the unrelenting nausea that kept you from answering—though that was bad enough. It was the fear of hearing yet another excuse or promise that would inevitably fall short. You felt raw, drained, and utterly unprepared to face his voice or explanations. And then, another fear began creeping in: you couldn’t remember the last time you’d eaten a proper meal. Over the past week, everything you tried to eat came right back up. You were weak, shaky, and desperate for answers.

So today, you dragged yourself to the doctor’s office, clutching the straps of your bag tightly as you sat in the waiting room. You’d convinced yourself that the stress had finally caught up with you, wreaking havoc on your stomach. Maybe some pills could calm it down. Maybe you just needed something to numb everything you were feeling.

“Ms. (Y/L/N)?”, the nurse called out, her voice drawing your attention. You stood slowly, your legs unsteady beneath you as you followed her into the exam room.

The doctor entered shortly after, a kind, older man who listened intently as you explained your symptoms. He nodded along, jotting down notes on his clipboard.

“Well”, he said, closing the file and looking up at you with a calm expression, “it sounds like there could be a few things going on here. But before we jump to conclusions, let’s run some tests to rule out anything serious”.

You nodded, your hands clasped tightly in your lap as they drew blood and asked for a urine sample.

The doctor’s words were calm and reassuring as he handed you a small pamphlet about managing stress-related nausea, though his advice to rest and eat light foods felt almost impossible to follow. He mentioned the test results would be ready in two days, and you could return to discuss them. You nodded along, thanking him softly before leaving the office with heavy steps.

When you reached your car, you slid into the driver’s seat and pulled out your phone to set a reminder for the follow-up appointment. As you scrolled through your calendar to select the date, something stopped you cold: little red dots marking the weeks of your cycle—or rather, the lack of them. Your heart stuttered as the realization hit you.

You hadn’t marked your last period.

Not this month.

Not even the month before.

Your mind raced as you counted backward, piecing together the timeline. Stress, nausea, exhaustion - it all clicked into place like a puzzle you hadn’t even realized you were solving.

You stared at your phone screen, the glaring absence of those little red dots sending your mind spinning. For a moment, you just sat there, frozen, as the weight of the realization settled over you. Then, to your own surprise, a laugh bubbled up from your chest—sharp, bitter, and disbelieving.

“This has to be a fucking joke”, you muttered to yourself, shaking your head as the laugh turned into something closer to hysteria. Your life already felt like a bad movie, but this? This was beyond absurd.

Pregnant? No. Absolutely not. That wasn’t even possible.

Jensen had told you about his vasectomy years ago. He’d said it with a shrug, explaining how he’d made the decision after his third child. “Snipped and done”.

So what the hell was this?

Your stomach churned, and for once, you weren’t sure if it was the nausea or the panic clawing at you. You gripped the steering wheel tightly, your knuckles turning white as you tried to rationalize what was happening. Maybe you’d miscounted your cycles. Maybe the stress had thrown off your hormones. Maybe the nausea was some weird lingering bug that had nothing to do with this.

You bit your lip, your mind racing as you tried to shake the persistent thought of pregnancy. It wasn’t logical. It couldn’t be true. And yet, the idea clung to you like a bad dream, refusing to let go. Every rational argument you came up with was met with that same nagging doubt.

“Against all odds”, you muttered to yourself bitterly. “Just my fucking luck”.

In a trance-like state, you started the car and drove to the nearest pharmacy. The familiar streets blurred around you as your thoughts spiraled, replaying every moment that could have brought you to this point. By the time you pulled into the parking lot, your hands were trembling on the wheel.

You didn’t get out right away. Instead, you sat there, staring at the bright pharmacy sign glowing in the distance. Your stomach churned with nerves, a fresh wave of nausea rolling over you as you considered the possibility. It was ridiculous. Impossible. And yet, here you were.

As you leaned your head back against the seat, your phone buzzed next to you. The screen lit up with Jensen’s name, and your heart clenched. He was trying again. Another call, another chance to hear his voice, to let him explain, to maybe find some comfort in the chaos.

But instead of answering, you let it ring. The sound seemed to echo in the confined space of the car, each buzz pulling at your already raw emotions. You couldn’t do it. Not right now. Not until you had answers for yourself.

When the call ended, you stared at the phone for a long moment before finally stepping out of the car. The cold air hit you, jolting you slightly as you headed inside. You moved through the store quickly, avoiding eye contact as you grabbed a couple of pregnancy tests and made your way to the register. The cashier barely looked at you, and you were grateful for their indifference.

Back in the car, the bag felt heavy in your lap as you sat in silence. Your chest felt tight, your breath shaky as you realized there was no turning back now. Whatever the result, you needed to know.

You gripped the steering wheel tightly, your knuckles pale as you took a deep, shaky breath. It’s just the stress, you told yourself. Jensen can’t make babies. He had a vasectomy, for fuck´s sake. This is all in my head.

Repeating those words like a mantra, you started the car and began the drive home.

The drive felt longer than usual, your thoughts spinning with every mile. You thought of Jensen, his laughter, the way he’d always reassured you when you were overthinking. But now, it felt like there was a wall between you, built by the distance, the missed calls, the photo, and now this unbearable uncertainty.

It’s just stress, you repeated silently. It has to be.

By the time you pulled into your driveway, your nerves were frayed, but you felt a faint flicker of determination. You gathered the bag, clutching it tightly as you made your way inside. You dropped your purse near the door and headed straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind you and locking it with a resolute click.

You placed the boxes on the counter, staring at them for a moment before letting out a deep sigh. “Let’s just get this over with”, you muttered to yourself, opening one packaging and reading the instructions. Despite your shaky hands, you managed to follow the steps, setting the test down on the counter as you sat back on the edge of the bathtub, waiting.

The seconds stretched into what felt like an eternity. You tried to calm your racing heart, reminding yourself again and again that the odds were impossible. Jensen couldn’t make babies. You were just overwhelmed, and dealing with too much at once.

But even as you told yourself that, you couldn’t shake the weight of doubt pressing down on your chest.

Finally, the timer on your phone buzzed softly, jolting you out of your thoughts. You stared at the test lying face down on the counter, your heart pounding so hard you could hear it in your ears. For a long moment, you couldn’t move, your hands gripping the edge of the counter to steady yourself.

It’s impossible. It’s just the stress, you repeated in your mind, but the words felt hollow now. Every second you hesitated made the tension in your chest grow tighter, the air in the bathroom feeling impossibly thick.

Finally, with trembling fingers, you reached for the test, the plastic cool against your skin as you turned it over. The small screen blinked back at you, and for a moment, your brain refused to process what you were seeing.

Two lines.

The world tilted for a moment, your breath catching as you stared at the unmistakable result. Two lines. Pregnant.

“No”, you whispered, shaking your head as if that could change the outcome. “No, that’s not… that’s not possible”.

But the test didn’t waver. The reality of it stared back at you, unflinching and undeniable.

Your hands trembled as you reached for the other tests, ripping open the packages with shaky fingers. It has to be wrong, you thought desperately, your mind racing. It’s just stress, or a faulty test. It has to be.

One by one, you followed the instructions, your breath shallow and your pulse pounding in your ears. You lined up the tests on the counter, each of them a small, silent judge waiting to deliver their verdict.

Time dragged as you waited, staring at the row of tests like they held the power to decide your future. Finally, the seconds ticked down, and you turned the first test over. Then the second. The third.

By the time all five were turned, you were staring at ten lines total, their meaning unmistakable. Pregnant. Every single one.

You bit your lip, still frozen in place, unable to process what you were seeing. A hollow laugh bubbled up in your throat, escaping despite yourself. “This can’t be real”, you whispered, shaking your head as you gripped the edge of the counter for support. “It’s… it’s not possible”.

But the lines staring back at you didn’t waver. The room felt too quiet, the weight of the truth pressing down on you like a lead blanket.

Your stomach churned, the nausea threatening to rise again, but you pushed it down, focusing on the tests in front of you. Ten lines. Five tests. There was no escaping it now.

You’re pregnant.

And you had no idea what to do next.

The silence in the room grew heavier as another thought crept into your mind, one you didn’t want to entertain but couldn’t shake.

Maybe Jensen lied about the vasectomy.

You frowned, staring at the tests again as if they might suddenly change their verdict.

And while you were sure Jensen loved his kids more than anything, he’d always been so adamant about not wanting more. That was part of the reason you’d never really worried about this happening. He was certain. He was done. Wasn’t he?

Your mind spiraled, each question leading to another. Had he lied? It didn’t seem like him to do that.

You shook your head, cutting off the whirlwind of thoughts. No. Jensen wasn’t the kind of man to lie about something like that. He was too honest, sometimes to a fault. But then what?

Your stomach twisted again, not just from the nausea but from the fear and uncertainty clawing at you. The picture, the message, the distance between you and Jensen lately—it all felt like it was piling on top of this new revelation, threatening to crush you.

You needed answers, but the thought of calling Jensen felt impossible right now. If he had lied, what then? If he hadn’t, how did this happen?

What the hell are you going to do?

You sank onto the bathroom floor, your back against the wall, staring at the line of positive tests on the counter. For the first time in days, the tears didn’t come. You were too overwhelmed, too numb to cry. You didn’t know what to feel—only that your world had just shifted in a way you never could have expected.

On set, Jensen was a shadow of his usual self. He’d always been the kind of actor who could compartmentalize—focus entirely on the work, leaving whatever was going on in his personal life at the door. But today, it was like that ability had completely deserted him.

He fumbled his lines repeatedly, missing his cues and breaking character in ways that were completely uncharacteristic of him. Every mistake earned him a concerned look from the director, but he brushed off the quiet questions with a muttered, “Sorry, long night”, or a vague excuse about being under the weather.

Inside, though, he was spiraling.

He couldn’t stop thinking about you—not just your silence, but the fear that had settled deep in his chest. Jensen had never felt panic like this before. You weren’t just upset; you were shutting him out completely. No matter how many times he called or texted, there was no response. And after the message he’d left last night, he thought he’d hear from you by now.

He wasn’t used to this kind of uncertainty, and it terrified him. The possibility of losing you—of pushing you so far away that he couldn’t fix it—felt unbearable.

“Jensen”, the assistant director, called gently, bringing him back to the moment. “Let’s take it from the top. Just take a breath, man”.

Jensen nodded stiffly, running a hand through his hair as he forced himself to focus. He tried to shake it off, to dig into the professionalism he’d relied on for so many years, but the second the scene started again, his mind wandered.

Are you okay? Are you still upset? Are you—

“Cut!”, the director called, exasperated but still trying to be patient. “Jensen, man, what’s going on? This isn’t like you”.

Jensen exhaled heavily, rubbing the back of his neck as he struggled to come up with an answer. He couldn’t tell them the truth—that he was one text away from completely unraveling.

“I just—”, he started, but the words wouldn’t come. He shook his head and muttered, “Give me five”.

Without waiting for permission, he walked off set, grabbing his jacket and pulling his phone out of the pocket. He stared at the screen, willing it to light up with a message from you, something—anything—to break the silence. But there was nothing.

He hovered over your name in his contacts, his thumb brushing over the call button, but he hesitated. If you weren’t answering, it was because you didn’t want to talk to him. And the thought of that hit him like a punch to the gut.

“Damn it”, he muttered, leaning heavily against the wall. He wasn’t used to feeling this helpless, and it was driving him to the brink.

As the afternoon crept on, your phone buzzed persistently with calls. Each time Jensen’s name lit up the screen, it was like another weight pressing against your chest. You’d ignored him for days, but his relentless attempts to reach you began to chip away at your resolve. By the fifth call in a row, you sighed heavily, your fingers trembling as you finally answered.

“Hey”, your voice came out quieter and shakier than you’d intended, but it was all you could manage.

There was a beat of silence on the other end, followed by the sound of Jensen’s breath hitching. “Baby”, he said, his voice full of relief but also thick with worry. “Thank God. I’ve been losing my mind. Why haven’t you been answering? Are you okay?”.

The sound of his voice, so familiar yet distant, sent a pang through your chest. For the first time, it felt foreign to you—like the voice of someone you no longer knew. The days of silence, the picture, the cruel message, the endless nausea, and now the impossible test results… it was all too much.

“I’m fine”, you said flatly, the words automatic. But they weren’t true, and you knew he could tell.

“Fine?” he repeated, his tone incredulous. “I know you´re not.Talk to me”.

You hesitated, gripping the phone tighter as your emotions warred within you. Part of you wanted to tell him everything—to lay it all out and demand answers. But another part of you felt so detached, so unsure of where you even stood, that the thought of opening up to him felt impossible.

“I’m just… tired”, you said finally, your voice cracking slightly. “It’s been a lot, Jensen. I don’t know…”.

He cut you off, his voice tinged with desperation. “Don’t do this. Don’t shut me out. Please, baby. I know I’ve messed up. I know I haven’t been there the way I should’ve been, but I swear to you, I’m trying to fix it”.

His words should have soothed you, but they only made the ache in your chest worse. “It feels like all you do is promise things”, you said softly, your tone bitter despite your attempt to keep it neutral. “But nothing ever changes".

“That’s not true”, he argued, his voice raising slightly in frustration. “I’ve been trying, trying to come home, but the timing’s been—”.

“Terrible?”, you interjected. “Yeah, Jensen. It’s been terrible. For me. For us. And I don’t even know if there’s an ‘us’ anymore”.

The silence that followed was heavy, the weight of your words hanging in the air. When Jensen finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. “What are you saying?”, he asked, his tone raw and broken.

Your grip on the phone tightened as you struggled to hold back tears. “I don’t know”, you admitted, your voice trembling. “I don’t know what I’m saying, Jensen. I just… I don’t know how to feel right now”.

The vulnerability in your voice seemed to knock the wind out of him. “(Y/N)”, he whispered, his voice full of pain, “whatever this is, we can figure it out. Please, don’t give up on me. On us”.

Hearing his voice crack sent fresh tears streaming down your face, but you stayed silent, unsure of what to say. For the first time, you weren’t sure if there was anything left to say.

Jensen’s voice broke through the heavy silence, softer now, laced with raw emotion. “You know it’s been Danneel”, he whispered, his tone pleading but also tinged with hurt. “She’s trying to destroy us. She’s done it before, and now she’s doing it again. Why would you doubt me so easily?”.

His words hit you like a weight, and you felt your chest tighten further. You closed your eyes, leaning against the wall as your grip on the phone tightened. You wanted to believe him—you really did. But everything about the past few days had left you feeling fragile, unmoored, and unsure of what to trust.

“It’s not that easy”, you murmured, your voice barely audible. “I saw the picture, Jensen. I read the message. And you weren’t here to explain. It’s been days. How was I supposed to feel?”.

Jensen exhaled sharply on the other end, his frustration barely contained. “You were supposed to trust me”, he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I’ve never lied to you. Not about us, not about anything. Why would I start now? Why would I risk everything we have for… for her?”.

“I don’t know”, you whispered, the tears in your throat making it hard to speak. “I don’t know what to believe anymore”.

“Believe me”, he said firmly, his voice cracking with desperation. “Please, baby. You’re all I care about. Danneel’s just trying to get in your head. You can’t let her win. Don’t let her take this away from us”.

Your tears spilled over again, your heart aching at the raw pain in his voice. You knew Jensen wasn’t someone who let his emotions show easily, and hearing him like this only added to the storm inside you.

“I want to”, you admitted, your voice trembling. “I want to believe you so badly. But I feel so… lost, Jensen. Everything feels like it’s falling apart”.

“It’s not”, he whispered, his voice steadying slightly. “We’re not falling apart. I’m here, and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that to you. Please”.

“I don’t know what to do”, you said softly, almost to yourself.

Jensen’s voice came through the line, gentle but resolute. “You don’t have to do anything. Just… let me come home and fix this. Let me prove to you that I’m telling the truth”.

Jensen's voice softened, his tone pleading yet firm. "I’ll be home tomorrow. And we’ll talk, alright? I’ll explain everything—what happened in that picture, why it looked like that, and why the fuck I would never cheat on you. Especially not after buying a fucking house for us”.

As his words grew sharper toward the end, his voice cracked slightly, frustration and anger bleeding through. Before you could respond, he hung up abruptly, leaving you staring at your phone in stunned silence.

The sound of the call ending felt like a slap in the quiet room, and the weight of his last words lingered in the air. You could hear the raw emotion in his voice—his anger wasn’t just about the accusations but the sheer pain of hearing you doubt the foundation of your relationship.

You sank onto the couch in the living room, your head spinning. The way he’d hung up so quickly stung, but the guilt gnawed at you too. You hadn’t meant to say the words that hurt him so much. I don’t even know if there’s an us left. The second they’d slipped from your mouth, you’d wanted to take them back, but the damage was done. And it had clearly hit him harder than either of you had anticipated.

Now, all you could do was wait for tomorrow to come and hope that somehow, this conversation would bring clarity instead of tearing you apart further.

Meanwhile, on Jensen’s end, he slammed his phone onto the bed with more force than he intended. His chest heaved as he paced the room, running his hands through his hair in frustration. Your words replayed in his mind, cutting deeper every time. I don’t even know if there’s an us left.

“Fuck”, he muttered, his voice barely audible as he sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. His hands cradled his face as he tried to steady his breathing. The idea of losing you—of everything you’d built together slipping away—was unbearable.

The next day couldn’t come fast enough for him. For now, all he could do was cling to the hope that he’d be able to fix this when he saw you. And that you’d still be willing to let him try.

The next day began the same way the last few had: with your stomach rebelling against you. You knelt over the toilet, weak and exhausted, your body trembling from the effort. By the time the nausea passed, you were too drained to do anything but sit on the bathroom floor for a few moments, letting the cool tiles press against your skin.

Eventually, you made your way to the kitchen. The clock on the wall read just past noon, and you realized you hadn’t eaten anything substantial in days. You poured yourself a small bowl of oats, hoping something plain and gentle might stay down. You managed two spoonfuls before your stomach churned violently again, the sensation threatening but not enough to send you rushing back to the bathroom.

You pushed the bowl aside, leaning back in your chair with a hand resting on your stomach. The restlessness gnawed at you, a mix of nerves and the undeniable physical discomfort that had become your new normal. You glanced at the clock again, the minutes dragging impossibly slow as you waited for Jensen’s arrival.

The thought of facing him made your chest tighten. There were so many things to say, questions to ask, but you weren’t sure where to start. Could you even bring yourself to tell him about the tests? About what those two lines meant? Would he even believe you, after the accusations and the growing distance?

———————————

A/N: Well, there we go, lol. Please let me know what you think.🥰

-

Taglist: @cheynovak @chriszgirl92 @jenniferr0323 @angelbabyyy99 @cevansbaby-dove @muhahaha303 @jackles010378 @suckitands33 @n-o-p-e-never @mayafatimakhan @ladysparkles78 @viviandarkbloom06 @jassackles @evasmlp @acklesaddict67 @mostlymarvelgirl @emma1998sblog @mishaesque @headinthemoon87 @hobby27 @winchesterwild78 @impala67rollingthroughtown @manicjk @kr804573 @zaratahir @djs8891 @winchesterwild78 @jamerlynn @whimsyfinny @libby99hb @deansimpalababy @deans-queen @kawaii-arfid-memes @faephoria @stoneyggirl2 @fitxgrld @luvr4miya @yikeschoices @lyssalvus @soab1967 @luvr4miya @didi0666 @impala67rollingthroughtown @cheekygirl2309 @kamisobsessed @deansimpalababy @magnificientgirl

[thecoffeelorian]

True Colors

True Colors (Crosshair x Reader)

Premise: As a few masks begin to crack, the true faces of those that lie beneath start to show themselves one by one...and not even they might be able to recognize the things that they've become.

Word Count: 1,531

Masterlist: The Surprise Guest Series

Story Notes: Heya heya, guess what, folks? There's a very tiny hint as to the Reader's true identity at the end of this chapter, so! Be sure to look for it, as it might be a blink-and-you'll-miss-it kind of moment!

Special Notes: You know that "glorious return" of Crosshair that was supposed to magically fix everything in the squad...? Yeah, it looks to me like nothing but an inglorious cop-out, because what could have been a detailed discussion of all the past plot points was tossed out in favor of cutting corners for the millionth time. More details are here, as well as one of several blueprints for this story as I move forward. Thank you all for your patience.

PS: The Crosshair header was made by @stars-n-spice.

No Pressure Tags:

@crosshairs-dumb-pimp-gf @skellymom @youreababboon @donntmindmejustwandering @ms-grassi

@gigachadcowboy @summerfall21 @thora-sniper @groguandthebadbatch @theclonesdeservedbetter

@sw-2020-1 @lovefrommaxie @housepartyfortwo @ci-avmovies14 @evabellasworld

@cyare-of-the-501st @the-osborn-way @prettychaos1409 @otomefan @foggygentlemenprincess

@soemtlse012731-blog @sithstrings @omglisalithium @aemondvelaryon @mysticalgalaxysalad

@lulalovez @zombiedixon89 @filmandthings @sithstrings @generaljessiedotcom and anyone else who might want to dive in headfirst into this latest installment.

The next thing you know, at least from where you’re standing, Omega’s wrapped both arms around your waist in a hug; Crosshair’s gone frightfully silent; and, some distance away from all of you, you get to witness two grown Troopers get stuck orbiting Tantrum Planet.

“You’re doing what.”

Specifically, Hunter’s durasteel-gray eyes that once refused to make contact with yours are now glaring through you with all the heat of an ion engine, almost triple-hound daring you to repeat Omega’s words out loud.

“You heard her, General.”

By contrast, you’re not about to run off or look away, because now there’s a firm edge to your voice that you haven’t exactly heard before.

“Unlike you, I don’t think she likes the idea of abandoning her fellow fugitives.”

Up until this point, most people had generally been respectful to you, never mind not wanting to give you the slightest impression of your life being threatened in any way. That was one of the few joys you got from your home planet growing up, as well as the first thing you find yourself missing in its absence.

As of now, however, that respect had been tossed straight out of the proverbial airlock and left to suffocate in the vacuum of deep space.

“Don’t you mean kidnappers?”

“I meant exactly what I just said, thank you very much…”

And if this holier-than-thou nerfherder wanted to stare you down, well...then you would be all too happy to stare at him right back, consequences or no consequences.

“…And anyway, since you already know everything about me, when exactly did I kidnap her?”

In fact, it’s not that long before you start glaring back at him, your voice slowly filling with venom.

“Was it before or after she came knocking at my door and asked me for help?”

“Omega wouldn’t ever do that!”

Before either one of you end up coming to blows, however, there’s another Trooper to contend with. Along comes Wrecker jumping into the chat, the look of anger somewhat giving way to confusion. Either he doesn’t have the slightest idea what to think of you, or else he’s already been convinced to hate you ages before you ever did anything wrong.

“We…we told her not t’ talk to strangers. What makes you so special?”

In any case, though, you’re not about to take any puuduu from him, either. Not when you might be five klicks away from finding some manner of political asylum, be it with or without their ‘approval’.

Not when you officially had skin in this little game as of several hours ago, and you’ve got no intention of backing down or making yourself smaller just so somebody else can feel bigger.

“Nothing. I’m just a waiter from offworld…but I do know this.”

And if you haven’t surprised yourself enough today, well…your slow but careful nudge for Omega to go over to Crosshair for safety’s sake certainly takes the grand prize.

“Since we—and that does include Omega, so let me make that nice and clear—heard the Imps start knocking on other people’s doors right before we booked it, it’s only going to be a matter of time before they all show up to drag the three of us back to that lab…or worse.”

Having spoken your peace, you then decide to mirror Wrecker’s posture and fold your arms across your chest, a clear sign that they’re about to have the floor.

“So if you don’t want to end up responsible for punishing two civilians just to stick it to your headstrong brother…then I suggest you choose wisely. Sir.”

You finish your pitch with a polite bow and a hand over your heart, the planet-wide gesture of respect in your part of the galaxy. If it was someone else from your home planet you were talking to, then they’d most likely let out a nervous chuckle, make up a somewhat believable excuse for their behavior or apologize for the harshness of their words, and possibly even declare an unofficial truce between you by offering you a little caf and cake back at their apartment.

This Hunter guy on the other hand…well, he’s starting to look like he’s somewhere between passing a kidney stone and blowing a fuse. No living man, be he soldier or civilian, has ever turned that shade of purple before, and as far back as you can remember, you know they haven’t balled their fists up so tight that their knuckles looked more on the jaundiced side than their usual healthy brown.

Clearly, he has no idea what he wants to do to you first—beat you until you’re the same color and consistency as freshly ground nerf meat; or else die of embarrassment. At this moment in time, either one of these is totally possible, if not also a maximum threat level.

And yet—

“—Don’t we, uh…have an oil can somewhere?”

And yet, the one they call Wrecker, aka “The Big Guy” as you’ve personally just dubbed him, is starting to act like he may have just budged about an inch or two from whatever sinless high ground he might have held a moment before.

Well, thank the Force that somebody is.

“What oil can…?”

In other words, even though Hunter’s still enjoying the view from his own pedestal and probably ready to piss on your heads without so much as a single moment’s notice…he sure can’t keep Wrecker from thinking for himself.

“The one that Tech always kept on board for…for emergencies.”

Like bringing up the name of a fifth squad member for some kind of emotional leverage, for example, if not also making good use of it, too.

“The least we can do is hand it over, right?”

“Not if I order you to stand down.”

“Fine. Go back to Pabu without me.”

Or, dare you even think it, sabotaging all of Hunter’s “plans” solely out of having enough of his shitty behavior.

“As for me, I’m not losin’ any more of my squad.”

In any case, Wrecker’s striding right past Hunter, giving him a hard enough shove to make him stumble and nearly fall sideways…and finally, goes back into the Marauder to go and bring you the much needed oil can whether this stupid “leader” gives his permission or not.

Incredible. Maybe he’s not Hunter’s errand boy after all.

As for you, well…you’re left wondering whether or not Hunter himself can take all three of you out with a single blaster shot, especially if he decides to take his temper out on Omega for bringing the two of you back without asking him first.

“Sergeant.”

“I’m sorry…?”

At least, that’s your thought until he decides to back off instead…for now.

“I’m a sergeant, not a general. Learn the difference.”

And with that, he also turns and goes back inside the Marauder, not a single look backward spared for Omega this time. Funny thing…you had originally thought that she was the designated favorite, and would therefore have some kind of leverage over all future squad decisions. Their initial reunion had suggested that much had occurred before, after all…so what the kriff had changed since then?

“Eh…that went well.”

Unfortunately, there doesn’t exactly seem to be a lot of time to mull this one over. Even though Omega’s speaking up again and trying to stay upbeat, she’s not looking so confident any more.

“We—we should be able to get off this planet now, right? We can go back to the island, and—and then…”

Rather, she’s looking nervous, just a little heartbroken, and—if there’s room to make a fast-food related analogy here—dejected with a shot of annoyance to wash it all down. Most likely, there’s no limits to her personal feelings, especially after what just played out in front of her.

“And then…take a break?”

You, on the other hand, aren’t about to be knocked down by that Sergeant’s issues, because they’re just a fraction of what you would have had to deal with if you’d faced the Empire coming after you. In fact, if he decides to keep his shit up and keep on poking the Krayt Dragon—well, even if he does hate you, he’ll have to think twice before dishing out the same treatment to her.

In other words, you’ve got zero tolerance for bullies, and it won’t take much for you to let the rest of this ‘squad’ find that out the hard way.

“Yeah…yeah, let’s do that. Take a break, I mean…”

This is why you’re slipping a comforting arm around her before letting Crosshair have the other, a makeshift hug for them both to break up the tension of it all.

“As long as you need,” you promise her, your attention solely upon the two in front of you, and not so much upon the ones lurking in the background. Oh yes, let the others stew in their own moody juices for a while, because for all that you care, that’s all that they need to have.

As for you and your traveling companions, a bit of rest is exactly what you deserve right now...and Force help the di’kut who dares to interrupt it.

[mayapapaya33]

Calling Veth a good mom is a stretch, and she did basically the same thing Lilliana did. Which is, go off by herself and try to solve a magic problem leaving her family alone to miss her. (Veth is arguably even worse here, she let them believe she was DEAD! At least Lilliana said goodbye. Though that's debatable, maybe death is kinder, I don't know.) She could have just gone home looking like a goblin. It would have been hard, but she could have done it. Liliana was genuinely afraid of her powers and wanted to find out how to control them and where they came from.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't character hate, Veth is a complex, interesting character, I just don't think "good mom" is on the list of attributes I'd give her that's all. It's pretty clear that Yeza is doing most of the actual responsible parenting. (And yes, it's because Sam can't resist a joke, but she doesn't know how old Luc is and was drunk for most of his childhood. Like it or not that is actually canon, and unlike a lot of Sam's gags it does actually fit the character).

The main difference between them is that when she needed help, Veth found Caleb and the Mighty Nein and Liliana found Ludinus Da'leth. That's basically it. We already know Veth would be willing to do terrible things to fix her problems, she proved that multiple times, most specifically during the hag encounter. So, I can't help feeling bad for Liliana, despite everything, and frankly anyone who stans Veth probably should too. (That doesn't mean Liliana hasn't made mistakes or doesn't need to atone for her crimes or anything, just that I have empathy for her situation and can see what led her down that path).

If the Good Moms of Critical Role ever learn about the shit Liliana's pulled it's on sight 😤

[winchestersisterimaginessss]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you could write a story where Y/N has really bad period pains and the boys take care of their sister and get her things like chocolate, a hot water bottle etc.. In fact, they grant her every wish and do everything she wants, just to make her feel a little better. 🌻

A/N: Hope this is what you were looking for! requests are always open :)))

Sam and Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader

I was curled up in a tight ball on the couch, clutching my stomach as waves of pain crashed through me. The cramps felt like a vise around my lower abdomen, squeezing harder with every passing minute. My body felt heavy, my muscles sore, and I could barely breathe without the sharp pangs of discomfort hitting me, radiating through my back and down my legs. I couldn’t find a position that didn’t make it worse.

It was impossible to escape the feeling of being completely trapped inside my own body, helpless against it. Tears had long since blurred my vision, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. Even talking made the cramps worse, and the more I moved, the sharper the pain got. I just wanted to curl up tighter and disappear into the silence of my own misery.

I could hear the door creak open. Dean’s voice filtered through the haze of pain, loud and concerned. “Y/N? You okay?”

I didn’t answer. It was too much.

Dean stepped closer, his footsteps heavy, but it was Sam who crouched down beside me first. His hand gently pressed against my back, and his voice was calm, knowing, as he tried to read me. “Y/N?” he said softly. “Can you hear me?”

I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t do anything but try to breathe through the cramps, each one hitting harder than the last. But I could hear Sam’s steady voice beside me, and the warmth of his presence calmed my racing thoughts just a little.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Sam murmured, his hand still rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles. “I know it hurts, I know sweetheart”

The pain was so overwhelming that I couldn’t even manage a response. My entire body felt locked in this tight, painful knot that wouldn’t loosen no matter how hard I tried. I just squeezed my eyes shut tighter and let the tears fall freely. The cramps kept hitting, relentlessly, waves of sharp, nauseating pain that didn’t let up.

Sam’s hand stayed steady on my back, and Dean moved around, clearly trying to figure out how to help. “We’re gonna fix this, okay? What do you need, Y/N? What can we get for you?” Dean’s voice was louder, less sure now, but still carrying that protective edge he always had when something was wrong with me.

I managed to lift my hand just slightly, trying to say something, anything, to let them know I wasn’t completely lost.

“Chocolate,” I whispered, my voice shaking from the pain. It wasn’t much, but it was the only thing that made sense to me right now. My stomach felt like it was going to tear apart, and chocolate—sweet, comforting chocolate—was about all I could manage to ask for.

Dean was already up and moving, his boots clunking against the floor as he hurried to the kitchen. “Chocolate. Got it. Anything else?”

I winced, another cramp tightening deep inside me, and I nearly curled into an even smaller ball, trying to ride it out. The pressure was almost unbearable, and I could feel my whole body tensing with the effort to deal with it. My breath came in short, quick bursts as I tried to push past it.

“Medicine, heating pad” I finally managed, barely more than a whisper.

“Medicine, heating pad, chocolate,” Sam repeated, his tone soothing, as if he was cataloging everything I needed. “Dean’s on it, Y/N.”

I nodded slightly, still clutching my stomach, tears streaming down my cheeks as the cramps ebbed and flowed. Every wave felt like it might tear me apart, but I did my best to focus on Sam’s words.

“That’s it, breathe,” Sam encouraged, his hand gently moving across my back, pushing away the tension. “In through your nose, nice and slow. The pain will be gone soon, bug.”

It felt impossible, but I tried to follow his lead. Slowly, I began to draw in a breath, the sharp pain easing just a little with each deep, steady inhale.

Dean came back moments later, holding a mug of hot chocolate in one hand and a bottle of painkillers in the other. “Here, kid,” he said, kneeling beside me and offering me the mug first. “We didn’t have any chocolate, but I figured some hot chocolate could hold you over for now. You drink this, I’ll get the heating pad on you next and then I’ll head to the store to get your chocolate and anything else you want. ”

Sam helped me sit up a little, holding the mug for me as I carefully sipped, the warmth spreading through me as the chocolate soothed me in ways the pain couldn’t. My body trembled as the cramps continued, but it was almost like I could feel the edges of the pain starting to soften.

“Thanks De,” you whispered.

“Anything for you, kid,” Dean said softly, his voice full of that same protective care that always made me feel safe. “Now here let’s get this heating pad on you.”

Sam helped me adjust so that the heat could settle on my lower back. The relief was immediate, but not enough to completely ease the sharp pains still lancing through my abdomen. Still, it was something. Dean left to run to the store, and as soon as the door closed behind him, you could feel your body slowly start to relax. The waves of pain that had been so intense began to dull, the heat from the pad soothing your aching muscles. Sam’s hand remained steady on your shoulder, grounding you as you breathed through what was left of the cramps.

“That’s better, right?” Sam asked, his voice soft and reassuring.

You nodded, your eyes still closed as you sniffled a little, your cheeks damp from the tears that had come earlier. “Better,” you whispered, your voice hoarse.

“Good,” Sam said, his tone calm. “We’ll get you feeling back to normal in no time, okay? Just focus on relaxing for now.”

You nodded again, feeling the weight of exhaustion settling in. You closed your eyes, letting yourself drift into a light nap, the warmth of the heating pad and Sam’s presence lulling you into a rare moment of peace. The pain was still there, but it wasn’t as sharp. You slipped further into nothingness, only waking up when you heard the sound of the door creaking open.

“Hey, kiddo,” Dean’s voice was gentle, but familiar, pulling you out of your sleep.

You groggily sat up, rubbing your eyes and stretching a little. “Hey,” you mumbled, still trying to shake off the sleepiness.

Dean grinned, carrying a couple of bags into the room. “I got you a bunch of chocolates, some ice cream, candy, and—” He stopped and made a show of pulling something out of the bag, “your favorite Cheez-Its… buffalo wing flavor.”

Your face lit up at the sight of your favorite snacks, your smile widening as you tried to sit up straighter. “Thank you, De!” you squealed, the joy in your voice enough to make him chuckle.

“You’re welcome, kid,” Dean said, his grin softening as he took in the sight of you. He looked you up and down, eyes lingering for a moment before he added, “How you holding up?”

You paused, taking stock of your body, and noticed the slight ache that lingered in your stomach, much better than the sharp cramps you had earlier. It was a relief, but still uncomfortable.

“I feel better,” you said, flashing him a quick, grateful smile. “Like I can actually sit up now.”

“Yeah, you were out for about forty minutes, bug,” Sam said from beside you, his voice gentle and steady. “The rest was good for you. Your body needed it.”

Dean flopped down on the other side of me, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and flipping through channels. “You want to watch something? Something funny? You just say the word, kid. We’ve got all the snacks in the world now too. Whatever you need.”

I was still exhausted, still sore, but I felt like I could finally relax. Dean made sure to give me some space, but I could still feel his presence right next to me, like a shield.

“I want to watch Mean Girls,” I exclaimed.

Dean smiled, his grin wide and genuine as he slid the remote into my hand. “Mean Girls it is. You got it, kid.”

A few moments later, we were all sitting together on the couch—Dean with his usual bowl of chips, Sam next to me with a bowl of ice cream, and me with cheez its and a chocolate bar. The cramps had subsided enough that I could focus on the movie, and the laughter and lightheartedness of Mean Girls began to fill the room, the comfort of my brothers surrounding me like a blanket.

It wasn’t perfect. The pain hadn’t disappeared completely, but with Sam and Dean looking after me, making sure I was comfortable, the world didn’t feel quite as heavy. The cramps would ease up more soon, and until then, I was exactly where I needed to be—safe, loved, and cared for.

Dean paused the movie halfway through, turning to me with a mischievous smile. “Two scoops of ice cream, huh? You know, I think we’re gonna need more for the next round.”

Sam chuckled softly, a teasing glint in his eyes. “If that’s what it takes to keep her happy, then bring on the ice cream.”

I smiled, my heart lighter now, feeling the warmth of their love surround me. For once, the pain was something I could handle, as long as they were by my side.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Can I request the maximum of 🌲 and ⚖️?

Yes!

1k for 🌲:

---

As Buck gets back on the road, headed south to El Paso, he wonders if he’s made a mistake. Not in going after Eddie. Not even in leaving Chris. But in his timing. Is his timing wrong? 

He hadn’t wanted to wait. He’d wanted to get to Eddie as soon as possible. Who knows what the hell that woman is putting him through, right? Who knows if his father is hurt or dead or… Or what! But at the same time, what’s the plan here? What edge up does he have, going back? Should he have waited for business hours? Gone and purchased a gun or something? No. What? No. He’s being crazy. He doesn’t want a gun. He doesn’t even know how to shoot. Guns don’t make anything better. Not really. He’s just scared. He doesn't want anything to happen to Eddie.

He parks outside of a Cabela’s when he reaches El Paso. It’s not even six in the morning. The store doesn’t open until nine. He’s not sure what he’s doing here. Is he going to wait three hours? Buy a weapon? No. Right? He’s not… No. That’s not him. That’s never been him. But who is he willing to be, to protect Eddie? Pretty much anyone, he thinks. For Eddie? Anyone. Anything. 

“Fuck,” he whispers to himself, unsure of the next best step. He doesn’t know what’s right. He doesn’t know what’s crazy. He doesn’t even have a plan. 

The feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket startles Buck. He doesn’t expect it. Not at this hour. He reaches into his pocket, hands a little shaky, and pulls it out. It’s a text. From Eddie. 

Idk if you’re awake or even nearby… But if you are, I need you to come pick me up.

Buck just stares at the text. He’s kind of baffled. Just… Just go pick him up? That easy? No gun needed?

Uncertain, he replies: 

How do I know this is really Eddie?

The response is immediate.

Buck… Really?

You’re the first to cry on emotional calls.

You watch way too much reality television.

You have a freckle on your left ass cheek. 

Need I go on?

Wait. He does? Well, okay. That’s Eddie. 

He replies:

I’m coming for you. 

🌲

There’s a long discussion. One that doesn’t include their mother. One that hardly includes their father. 

It’s a discussion about how to move forward. About how to take all this shit, and move forward anyway. 

Ramon will go with Sophia for a while. Stay in San Antonio. He needs time. Eddie can respect that. He’s been through a lot. Eddie’s not sure how much of the blame his father bears in everything that has happened. He’s not blameless. But whatever he did, no one deserves to have their agency stripped away. 

“Marcus is okay with that?” Eddie asks Sophia when she makes the call.

“He’ll have to be,” she says. “Plus, he can’t stay in this house. Not until it’s… A house again.”

Rather than a forest. Right. 

“I’ll work on that,” Adriana says.

It’s her Eddie is most concerned about, actually. Because it’s her who has volunteered for the unhappy task of staying behind. With their mother. Eddie didn’t like it. He didn’t agree with it. Surely she doesn’t deserve that; a child sticking by her after all of this. Especially Adriana, who she left out to rot in the woods, when she was the only person who could have known what had happened to her. 

“You can’t think of it that way,” Adriana argues. “It’s not about giving her what she wants. It’s about… Well, someone needs to keep an eye on her, first of all. You two have kids. Eddie, you… You never need to be around her again. I mean that. And I… I have a lot of time on my hands, while I figure out how to heal from this.”

She plans to fix the house. To make Helena help her fix the house. And maybe, if she can do it without making herself worse, take their mother back to Sweden.

“Maybe it’ll help her,” Adriana says. “Or maybe I’ll leave her there. Haven’t decided yet.”

“You know you don’t have to do this alone,” Eddie says. He’s told her and Sophia what he and Buck figured out. Their theory. The one he plans on rolling with, as best he can.

“We love you,” Sophia adds. “You’re our sister and we are always going to fight for you.”

“I know,” Adriana smiles. “I love you guys. But I need to do this. I have a lot to atone for.”

“It’s not your fault,” Eddie argues.

She shrugs. “That’s a flimsy line. And I need to feel less like a monster.”

Eddie supposes he understands that. 

“But you won’t be a stranger?” He ensures. “You’ll check in?”

She nods. “I promise.”

“Good,” Sophia says. “We will look through any forest to find you, Adri.”

“I know you will,” she smiles. She looks at Eddie. “Thank you for finding me.”

Eddie nods. “Always.”

For his own part, Eddie feels sort of like he’s getting away with something. Like the only one in the group project not doing any work. He is simply going to go home to his son and… Well, and his boyfriend. He guesses. That’s probably the right word for them. Anyway. Point is, he’s going back to his life. He’s going to try to get as much of it back as he can. He’s not taking on the care of any parent. He doesn’t actually have the energy for that. He doesn’t want to be involved in whatever happens to their mother, and he’s not too clear on if he’ll ever have a relationship with his father again. Maybe. He doesn’t know.

---

1k for ⚖️:

---

 Buck is hardly functional when the knock hits the door. He’s crashed out hard after delivering that punishment. Half because of the relief of the tension inside him, half because of the horror of viewing that man’s life. It makes it sort of hard to stay awake and think. Not to mention days and days of hardly sleeping at all have taken their toll on him. 

The point is, when he opens the door to Eddie, he feels like a zombie. He’s sure he looks like a zombie, too. 

Buck frowns when he sees Eddie standing there, two coffees in hand. 

“You don’t have to knock,” he says by way of greeting.

Eddie's mouth tightens a little. “I wasn’t sure.”

Buck sighs. “I told you it’s not… Can you just come inside?”

Eddie hands the coffee to him and steps through the door. 

“Thanks,” Buck mumbles. 

“I don’t know how much space you need,” Eddie says. “So tell me to leave, I guess. But I’m worried about you, okay? I just wanted to make sure you’re okay and you didn’t answer my texts.”

“Sorry,” Buck says. “I was sleeping pretty deeply… After not sleeping for a while.”

“Oh,” Eddie nods. “Uh, sorry for waking you up.”

Buck shrugs. “S’fine.”

Eddie exhales heavily. “Buck, are we okay? I don’t… I don’t want us to not be okay.”

Buck does his best to smile. It probably doesn’t look very convincing. 

“We’re totally fine, Eddie.”

Eddie frowns. “What? You were… You were pretty mad at me yesterday.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck says. “I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have.”

“Okay,” Eddie says. His brows furrow, like he’s still not satisfied. “I appreciate that. But I’m also kind of thinking that there’s, like, a bigger issue than just some heightened emotions yesterday.”

Yeah. Yeah, Buck can see how he’d think that. 

“There was,” Buck agrees. “But I fixed it. It-it won’t be a problem anymore. So we can forget about it.”

“What does that mean, Buck?” Eddie asks. “What did you do?”

“Does it matter? It’s… It’s fixed.”

“Fixed?” Eddie asks. His expression turns from concerned to angry. “The problem where I don’t want you to look into my future is just fixed? You aren’t worried anymore? So, yeah. It matters. What did you do? I mean, when did you even… We didn’t even touch after that!”

Okay, right. He can see how that looks. 

“No, no, no,” Buck shakes his head. “I didn’t look. I didn’t do anything.”

“Then how the hell is it fixed?” Eddie asks. 

“I made a deal,” Buck says. “I made a deal with Nemesis.”

Eddie’s face slackens. “What?”

Buck explains it. The whole thing. The deal, the terms, all of it. What he had to do in the middle of the night. The way he feels now. Eddie listens, face frozen with terror. He should be happy. Why isn’t he happy? Buck fixed everything. All their futures. Everyone is going to be okay. 

“Oh god, Buck,” Eddie says. “That’s not a good trade.”

“What?” Buck demands. “What do you mean? It’s a great deal, Eddie. Everyone I love is going to get the best future they can.”

“At what cost? You torturing yourself?” Eddie asks. “This is too much.”

“No,” Buck says. “No. I was already stuck with this either way.”

“But this is worse,” Eddie protests. “You could have gotten by on helping people. You liked that part.”

“I… I still can,” Buck reasons. “It just doesn’t… It won’t be enough.”

Eddie sighs. He pinches the bridge of his knows. The way he does when something - or someone - is exasperating him. Buck tenses. It feels oddly condescending. 

“Stop,” Buck pleads. “Eddie, stop. Just be happy. Please. You’re going to be happy.”

“Have you possibility considered I don’t want to buy my happiness at your expense?” Eddie asks loudly. Almost a shout. 

Buck swallows. He doesn’t understand why this is so bad. He doesn’t get it.

“Well, I’m the one that made the deal,” Buck says. “It was my choice.”

Eddie purses his lips. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Buck. I’m not going to pretend I’m not freaked out for you.”

“Okay, well I’m good. I’ll adjust,” Buck says. 

He’s actually not sure that that’s true. He thinks he might be lying. Because really… He’s scared. He’s terrified. He feels awful. He wishes Eddie would just get over this so Buck could just… He doesn’t even know. Ask him to stay here and hold him for a little while? Would that make it better? Maybe not for long, but for now…

Eddie sighs. He crosses his arms tightly, like he’s cold. “Okay, well… Alright.”

“Alright, what?” Buck asks. 

“Alright, I… I guess I don’t know what to say.”

“About what?” Buck asks. “It’s done, Eddie.”

“Oh, I can see that,” Eddie replies. 

“What do you want me to do?” Buck asks. “I’m not going to take it back. So either… Either you…”

“Either I what?” Eddie demands.

“Either you-you have to be okay with it, or… Or you leave me, I guess!” Buck flounders.

Eddie’s whole face falls. “Are you serious?”

No. No, Buck is not serious. He doesn’t want Eddie to leave. He doesn’t want any sort of ultimatum to be issued. Not really. But, what else is he supposed to say? What more does Eddie want him to do? What's done is done.

So Buck just shrugs helplessly. He feels helpless. He feels exhausted. 

“Wow,” Eddie says. “So much for your best possible futures for everyone, then.”

“Wait, no, that’s not-”

“You know, I think I’m gonna go,” Eddie says. 

“Eddie, come on. No, I-”

But Eddie is already walking towards the door.  “You know, when I was struggling, you were allowed to worry about me without me giving you some sort of ultimatum,” Eddie says. “I think you’re in trouble, Buck. And if you can take your head out of your ass to actually listen to me, I’ll be around.”

[broidobe]

𝔲𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔯𝔱𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔶

requested!

☾axl's fear of vulnerability and self-destruction clashes with the reader's desperate attempt to hold their love together, culminating in a raw and uncertain plea for mutual effort to save their relationship.☽

☾warnings: emotinal distress, self-worth issues, heavy angst, tearful confrontation, mentions of insecurity☽

⁎⁺˳✧༚guns and roses masterlist

the apartment was eerily silent, save for the rhythmic tick of the clock on the wall. you sat on the couch, your hands trembling as they gripped a crumpled piece of paper. the ink had smudged where your tears had fallen, but the words were still legible—words that had cut through you like glass.

axl had left the note on the kitchen counter that morning, his jagged handwriting barely legible in some places. the gist was clear enough: i need space. don’t wait up.

you weren’t sure if it was the vagueness or the coldness of it that hurt more. probably both. you had spent the entire day spiraling—replaying every argument, every moment of tension, wondering where you’d gone wrong. the ache in your chest felt unbearable, like you were suffocating under the weight of your own heartbreak.

the sound of the front door opening snapped you out of your thoughts. axl stepped inside, his face drawn, his hair disheveled, and his clothes smelling faintly of cigarette smoke and cheap beer. he froze when he saw you sitting there, the note still clenched in your hand.

“you’re back early,” he muttered, closing the door behind him. his tone was indifferent, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes—guilt, maybe.

“and you’re late,” you shot back, your voice cracking despite your best efforts to keep it steady.

axl sighed, running a hand through his hair. “look, i don’t want to do this right now—”

“too bad,” you interrupted, standing up. your heart was pounding, but you refused to let him see how much he’d broken you. “you don’t get to drop a bomb like that and then just walk in here like everything’s fine.”

he clenched his jaw, his posture tense. “i told you, i needed space.”

“space from what, axl? from me? from us?” the words spilled out before you could stop them, raw and vulnerable. “i don’t understand what i did to make you pull away like this. just tell me, please.”

he looked away, his gaze fixed on the floor. “it’s not about you,” he muttered, but even he didn’t sound convinced.

“then what is it?” you pressed, desperation creeping into your voice. “because i can’t keep doing this, axl. i can’t keep wondering if today’s the day you’ll decide you’re done with me.”

“i’m not good for you,” he said suddenly, his voice harsh and bitter. “alright? is that what you want to hear? i’m a mess. i’m angry all the time, i push people away, and you deserve better than this—better than me.”

the silence that followed was deafening. you stared at him, your heart breaking at the sight of the man you loved unraveling before you.

“don’t you think i get to decide what i deserve?” you said softly, tears streaming down your face. “i’ve seen the worst parts of you, axl, and i’m still here. doesn’t that mean something?”

he let out a sharp laugh, devoid of any real humor. “yeah, it means you’re too damn good for me. and i’m too selfish to let you go, even though i should.”

your breath hitched at his words, the weight of them pressing down on your chest. he was hurting, but his pain was spilling over onto you, and you weren’t sure how much more you could take.

“you keep saying that, like it’s supposed to make this easier,” you whispered. “but all it does is make me feel like i’m holding on to someone who doesn’t even want to be saved.”

he turned away, his shoulders slumping. “maybe i don’t,” he admitted, his voice barely audible. “maybe i don’t deserve it.”

that was the breaking point. you felt your chest tighten, a sob clawing its way up your throat. “why won’t you let me love you, axl?” you cried, the rawness of your voice slicing through the tension. “why do you keep pushing me away when all i’ve ever done is try to be there for you?”

he turned back to you then, and for a moment, you thought you saw the walls he’d built around himself begin to crumble. but just as quickly, his expression hardened again.

“because i’m scared, alright?” he shouted, his voice breaking. “i’m scared of losing you, of screwing this up, of not being enough. and instead of dealing with it, i ruin everything.”

the vulnerability in his confession hit you like a punch to the gut. you stepped closer, reaching out to touch his face. he flinched at first but didn’t pull away.

“you’re not going to lose me,” you said, your voice trembling. “but you’re going to have to let me in. i can’t keep fighting for both of us.”

his eyes searched yours, and for the first time, you saw tears brimming in them. “i don’t know how to let go,” he whispered.

“then we’ll figure it out together,” you replied, your voice firm despite the tears streaming down your face. “but you have to meet me halfway, axl. i can’t do this alone.”

he nodded slowly, his hand reaching up to cover yours. “okay,” he said hoarsely. “i’ll try.”

it wasn’t a perfect answer, but it was a start. and for now, that was enough—even if the road ahead was still steeped in uncertainty and pain.

[estellardreams]

Hehe writing idea go brrrr

Red didn't mean to get sent here. The universe just did it because... Something. He had no clue.

Regardless, it had to have been bad enough for him to show up here.

But... The world seemed peaceful.

No king's fortress.

No destruction.

Nothing signaling anyone's death.

Red wandered around the streets, his footing a bit unsteady.

What happened here...? Nothing seems to be wrong, so what's he supposed to fix to return home?

He spotted Pigsy's Noodles up ahead, slipping inside quietly. The shop seemed... Closed. Like no one was there yet.

Wait, how did he even get in? Usually the door was always locked before the shop opened.

Red quickly shook his head, trying not to focus on that. He headed up the stairs to MK's room, not sure if he'd be up there.

He placed his hand on the door, cracking it open.

"Xiaotian...?" he asked softly.

"Go away, Red..." MK softly pleaded, buried under the blankets.

"What? Why?" he pushed the door open, approaching MK on the bed.

Mk turned his head to look at Red, a gleaming ruby fillet over his forehead.

"Oh no! Who put this on you?!" Red exclaimed, immediately trying to find some way to take it off.

Mk quietly sat up, holding still.

Red paused, concerned. "Are you... Okay?"

"I'm... Fine. Just get this off of me, okay?"

"No! It's to keep him safe!" a voice snapped.

Mk froze, backing up a little. Red moved to protect him, only to stop himself once he came face to face with...

Himself.

Red's eyes widened in shock and horror, gripping the blankets tightly.

What...?

But... He did everything right!

He avoided becoming like the king!

He cut his hair, exposed his weaknesses, tore apart his clothes, changed his glasses, indulged in sweets and cutesy things... HOW did this happen?!

"Please... Step away from Xiaotian." the other Red spoke.

"Are you... What year is it here?" Red asked.

"207X. Why?"

Red paused. It had only been two years...

"I'm... Two years from the past." he spoke up.

"Oh, that explains it." Other Red pulled him away from MK.

"Hey! What are you doing to him?!"

"First of all, sit down. Second of all, I'm trying to keep him safe." other Red said.

"By holding him captive?!" Red snapped.

"I'm not holding him captive! I'm trying to protect him!"

"From what? People like you?"

"From him trying to kill himself!"

Red froze, his anger instantly dissipating into horror.

Other Red's eyes began to well up with tears. "I... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I can't... I don't..."

He quickly turned away and scooped up MK into his arms.

"Hey! Where are you going?!" Red yelped.

"Somewhere safer and not here." other Red said, bringing them both to the window.

"Bye, past me. Good luck dealing with King Red."

"No, WAIT-"

His future self leapt out of the window with MK, setting him down on the ground before leading him away somewhere.

Red bolted down the stairs, trying to follow after them.

"STOP! LET XIAOTIAN GO!"

"It's for his safety! Do you want him to hurt himself all over again cause I'm not here to keep him safe?!" Future Red exclaimed.

"What the hell happened to you?! To me...? To us? What happened to us? What made you like this?" Red pleaded.

Future Red paused, his gaze shifting downwards as he held MK's hand.

"... The pillar of heaven. He... I... I didn't wanna lose him... He did it anyway... And I failed..." he mumbled.

"But... But I won't fail again. Not anymore. I'm gonna keep Xiaotian safe from hurting himself and everyone else, no matter what it takes!"

Red gulped as his future self made off with MK once more.

He was never free to begin with, was he?

He... He's always gonna become the king. No matter what he does.

No matter what he tries to change.

No matter how much introspection, self sabotage, everything...

No matter what he tries, or does... It'll never work.

He'll fall back into his old self.

And this future... This self... Is proof of that.

Red sank to the ground on the barren streets, tears blurring his vision.

Did the universe just hate him?

He could never kill King Red.

He could never protect MK without hurting him.

He never deserved MK's love.

He could never escape being King Red in the future.

No matter what.

And...

That hurt.

The reality of his life hurt.

But... He couldn't just kill himself!

He knew what would've happened if he did, especially in that one timeline. He swore he'd always return to MK in the past ever since that timeline.

But now? He wasn't so sure...

Was it better to spare everyone the horror of any of these futures by getting rid of himself? Or let him stay and potentially ruin everything all over again no matter what he does?

... He needed to talk to his therapist about this.

But for now... He needed to talk some sense into his future self and rescue MK from his fate.

Red pushed back his tears, trying to clear his head. He breathed, standing back up on his feet.

Two bright lights came up and it was instantly darkness.

Red stirred awake, feeling the gentle rocking of the bed. He sat up, groaning a little.

"Oh, welcome back Red!" Sandy greeted.

"Oh, um... Hi, Sandy. What year is it?" Red asked.

"207X."

"... And I'm back in present day, okay." Red got up from the couch, only to immediately grip his chest in agony.

Great sage, why did that hurt?

"Red, go back to the couch. You're hurt."

"I... I see that now. Sorry."

"How did you even get hurt like this, anyway? You suddenly returned but as a crumpled heap in the noodle shop."

"Uh..." Red bit his lip, glancing at his phone.

He quickly opened it up and texted his therapist for a new session.

"I... I can't say, I'm sorry. I just... I need a moment to process all of this before I can tell you." he apologized, putting his phone back down.

"That's alright! As long as you're okay, it's fine by me! Would you like some tea?"

".. Yes, please."

Hello, I'm glad you opened the request box. I'm so interested in the Time Travel au that I thought if Time Travel Red Son was a yandere and wanted to protect MK alone, I'd love to see that drawing.

This is a unique sort of challenge, since Time Travel Red Son is so explicitly afraid of becoming like Demon King Red, who is a super duper Yandere, that it can only mean something has gone terribly wrong in this timeline and TT Red has all but snapped and become just like the king! And so, I figured he’d start where the king himself did in his downward spiral to madness: with the tightening fillet.

[clappingandcheering]

(Jason Grace x Reader) "The Storm and the Calm"

Warnings: A tiny angsty bit turns into a fluff. The reader doesn't feel heard, and then they argue, but then they end up happy!

The air between you and Jason had been tense for days. It wasn’t like you two to stay mad at each other for long, but lately, things felt different. Every conversation seemed to end in frustration, every attempt at communicating twisting into misunderstanding.

It started when you disagreed about something important—something that had been weighing on your mind. It wasn’t just about the usual camp matters; this was deeper. You felt like Jason wasn’t taking your feelings seriously, like he was dismissing your concerns. You had tried to talk about it to explain why it mattered to you, but Jason had shut you down before you could even get through it.

“I’m just trying to help, [Y/N],” Jason had snapped during your last conversation. “You’re overthinking this. It’s not that big of a deal.”

But it was a big deal to you. And when Jason dismissed your feelings, it hit harder than you expected. You didn’t ask for his help to solve the problem; you just needed him to listen. And in that moment, it felt like he wasn’t there for you—not in the way you needed.

So, here you were, sitting outside on the porch of your cabin, trying to breathe through the frustration that had been simmering for days. Your mind raced with the argument, each word echoing in your head. And when Jason found you, looking more closed off than usual, you both knew the silence between you was getting worse, not better.

"Can we talk?" Jason asked cautiously, standing a few feet away, his voice softer than usual. There was a mix of concern and frustration in his expression.

You didn’t want to yell. You didn’t want to keep fighting. But the words spilt out anyway. "You never listen to me, Jason. You just—just tell me to calm down or brush it off like it doesn’t matter. I needed you to hear me, not fix everything."

Jason’s eyes widened, his brows furrowing in confusion. "I’m not trying to fix everything, [Y/N], I just—"

"Exactly!" you cut him off, standing up in frustration. "You just jump in trying to make everything better instead of understanding why I’m upset. I don’t always need solutions, Jason. Sometimes I just need you to listen!"

Jason’s face shifted from frustration to guilt, but you weren’t done. “I’ve been feeling this way for a while, and you just—ugh!” You threw your hands up in the air, frustration pouring out like a flood. “You just don’t get it, do you?”

Jason took a step back, his eyes softening, but his voice was still firm. "I do get it. I just… I want to help you, but I’m obviously doing it wrong."

The words hung in the air between you, each of you feeling the weight of your own anger and hurt. You both stood there, the distance between you so vast, and for a moment, neither of you knew what to do next.

Then, after a long silence, Jason spoke, his voice quieter this time. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel unheard. I was trying to help, but I guess I should’ve just listened.”

You sighed, your anger still lingering but softening at his words. “I know you didn’t mean to make me feel that way. But I can’t keep feeling like I’m invisible when I’m trying to talk to you.”

Jason moved closer, his expression now full of regret. “I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me to be. I don’t want to hurt you.”

You didn’t know how long you stood there, just looking at each other. But you finally reached out, your hand finding his. It was a simple gesture, but it felt like the first step towards healing.

“I know you don’t want to hurt me,” you said softly, your voice breaking slightly. “But sometimes it feels like you’re not really hearing me.”

Jason squeezed your hand gently, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I hear you now. I promise.”

There was a long pause before you finally stepped into his arms, needing the comfort of his touch. “I’m sorry too,” you whispered. “For exploding. I should’ve told you how I felt before it got this bad.”

Jason hugged you tighter, his arms wrapping around you like a shield. “No, don’t apologise. I should’ve done better. I never want you to feel like that.”

You leant your head against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath you. It was the calming rhythm you had been missing. “I just want to feel heard,” you murmured. “I want to feel like we’re in this together, you know?”

Jason pulled back just enough to look down at you, his eyes soft and full of affection. “We are in this together. I’ll make sure you never have to feel that way again.”

You smiled up at him, the ache in your chest starting to fade. "Promise?"

"Promise," he said, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

You let out a deep breath, the tension slowly leaving your body. “I love you, Jason.”

“I love you, too,” he replied, his voice steady and filled with warmth.

He held you close as the cool night air wrapped around the two of you, and you felt the storm inside you calm. No words were needed as you both sat there, holding each other in the quiet of the night. It wasn’t about solving everything in one moment—it was about being there together, through the arguments and the quiet reconciliations.

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 4: The Shadow to my Flame

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

It was Tuesday before she got her spelled letter from Shadow. A letter that gave her hope and at the same time it worried her deeply.

It pleases me to inform that we have brought over 100 faeries into the Night Court. They all have temporary shelter, food and other resources until we can get them more permanent ones either in Night or any other Court.

The situation in Autumn has worsened in only a couple of hours through the night. Do you know the High Lord’s next moves? We want to try to prevent him from going further.

Remember that your safety is more important than any piece of information.

Shadow

Ashe knew minimal about the situation worsening through the night. But she knew one thing, she could definitely find it out.

She felt almost proud as she read about the fae that had been saved. She felt grateful that Shadow had listened to her. And to show her gratitude, she would give all she had as she tried to find out enough information.

She spent the first few hours of the day just doing her normal tasks. That’s how she had learned most of the information previously. Through gossip. That day, it was unusually quiet, and Ashe felt herself grow more and more frustrated. She needed to get the information. She needed to safe more people. She needed to prove that she could be useful.

That’s how Ashe ended up sneaking up to one of her fellow servants, asking her to switch work for the day. Ashe were supposed to be on cleaning duty, and the servant she asked would be with the Lady. To night was a big dinner, which meant a servant would need to stay by the Lady’s side the entire evening.

“And why would I do that?”

“My arms still hurt from Monday, so I won’t be able to do good enough work.”

It was a lie. It was not true at all. Her arms had stopped hurting almost immediately after she got the cream from the Lady. Ashe didn’t care that she lied. It was for the greater good after all.

Her fellow servant rolled her eyes, but she eventually agreed.

“The slaughter has gone exactly according to plan,” one of the generals said. He spoke with food still in his mouth and Ashe could almost see the disgust her Lady felt.

Ashe stood in her finest uniform a few steps behind the table. She was standing ready to bring the Lady to her room when they finished eating. Other than that, she was supposed to act as if she didn’t exist.

“Good,” the High Lord answers. “Is it time to move to the next step of the plan?”

The discussions had been going on for over an hour and Ashe started to wonder if she wouldn’t get any more information.

As the High Lord spoke, she got new hope. The High Lord speaking usually gave the opposite effect, but it was a first time for everything.

“I say we wait until after the ball. The rest of courts have understood that something is going on. Especially the Night Court has been snooping around.”

Ashe got a little bit nervous at the mention of the Night Court. She hoped that Shadow was okay.

“We should make sure the Night Court spies get caught. I don’t want Illyrian scrum in my court,” the High Lord spoke, and all his generals agreed. “We don’t have time to wait until Monday. I want to set a good example to the other courts. Having a town full of lesser faeries will give off the wrong example.”

“Are you saying you want us to move all soldiers to this city before Saturday?” one of the generals said. Ashe had no idea how he dared to speak against the High Lord.

“I am saying we should move the soldiers to this town, starting tomorrow.”

Ashe then started to freak out.

Soldiers would kill lesser faeries in her town tomorrow. She needed to let Shadow know about this. She needed help. That couldn’t happen.

She thought about how she could fix it when it hit her. Thord. Had he left for a different court? Was he and Samli safe? The worry was so overwhelming that Ashe felt tears trying to leave her eyes. Ashe had to be professional, so she took a few deep breaths and tried to ground herself.

“I think I’ll retire,” the light voice of the Lady sounded for the first time that evening. Ashe had never felt more relief as she moved to the Lady and helped her out of her chair. Both the Lady and Ashe gave a quick bow to the High Lord before they left the room.

They walked in silence.

Ashe opened the door to the Lady’s chambers and the Lady immediately sat down in her chair, ready for her hair to be taken down. Ashe could read thousands of emotions on her face. Heartbreak, sadness, terror.

As Ashe finished taking out the last clip, the door to the Lady’s chambers opened. In walked the High Lord with the most confidante steps.

“Leave.”

Ashe didn’t need to be told twice. She bowed to both of them, a small bow to the Lady and a bigger one to the High Lord before she left the room.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Maria asked her.

“I completely forgot about it,” Ashe explained in a hurry.

“You know I can’t give you time off with such late notice.”

“I don’t need any time off. I just need the night. Five hours at the most. I will come back for breakfast duty tomorrow morning, I promise.”

Maria looked at her and it was obvious she was thinking a lot. Ashe was ready to beg. She would do anything. Anything.

“Okay,” Maria said and signed Ashe’s approval of leave. “But if you’re not back for breakfast tomorrow, I can’t save you.”

Ashe nodded and gave Maria a big hug.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Ashe started to make her way out before Maria’s voice stopped her.

“Ashe? I don’t know who you’re planning on spending the night with, but next time, come with a better excuse than “having to feed the pigs”.”

Ashe felt embarrassed, but she didn’t say anything.

She was going to make sure her friend would be okay.

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Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[prismatic-starstuff]

...i get money later tonight

*stares Very Loudly in the direction of mr neil newbon's streamily*

hm...........

[leaderintitleonly]

Everything could be helpful with a client. If he really needed help, he was going to have to pay attention to Otto. He didn't hold himself like the others. Good posture, he thought to himself and made a note. He was probably schooled for that. Then he really didn't belong here. He belonged somewhere more busy instead of this little patch of dirt, though he was humble enough all the same. Crumbs flew and Arthur paid very little attention to his atrocious manners. His house, his rules. He'd clean up anyway, so there was no point in fussing over a stray morsel. Hands flicked at his tunic to brush some of the crumbs from himself. "You won't finish that thought. Once it's done... what?" Arthur began fixing his glasses back onto his nose. Immediately they slid back down with his face morphing and twisting with growing concern. "I said I'm not kicking you out. You can finish that thought." He wants to finish the job and put up with me. If you want to live with a miserable witch and his smelly house fill of plants. Ugh. Witch.

Having reached an imaginary imposed number of non-sweet food, Arthur began to enjoy the strawberry tart. There was a delighted hum as a tiny fork pierced through the crust and, for just a moment, he let his thoughts turn to the confection before him. Otto's voice slingshot him back into their conversation without him somehow losing concentration. "I am myself. It's about not scaring the wrong people off. I want to scare the right people off. Those people shouldn't be here." He waved the fork in the air, allowing more crumbs to fly. If the owl was awake, there probably would have been an annoyed screech for Arthur's poor housekeeping in front of the handy man. "That sounds strange out loud, but I think you get the point. I don't mind fixing people up. It's people up to wicked things I don't want skulking about my radishes."

That was an interesting rule for a healer. Couldn't even ask about someone's past? Well, if that was the way Arthur wanted it, Otto wouldn't complain. It's not like he had much to talk about anyway.

The headaches had always been more of a concern than his memory anyway. Seeing the blue drink made him feel a bit at ease. He immediately did as Arthur suggested, swishing it in his mouth. It didn't taste too medicinal like he'd been worried it would. It was mostly minty, with an herbal aftertaste. "Thank you, Arthur."

Unlike his host, Otto ate slowly. His back was straight and he didn't even open his mouth while he was chewing. The way he picked up his pastries spoke of a refinement the man himself didn't seem to notice.

"Well, thank you. I'm taking it slowly so I can make sure it's done well." And so he didn't exhaust himself. "Maybe once it's done ... well we'll see if you like it first." But he was still hoping that once it was done, he could find some other project here. He didn't get wary glances or pitying remarks from Arthur like he did in the village.

"It's okay. I did come out of nowhere. I don't need you to be friendly anyhow. I'm kind of intruding. Perhaps you could just be yourself? And we'll learn to get to know each other a bit more. Maybe I'll even figure out what being myself means to me."

He chuckled, taking a sip of his tea again. "Its odd, not remembering anything about my past. I still can't figure out what I did for a living, but maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. Maybe I should try to find what I enjoy first. After I finish the fence, I mean," he added quickly. It was probably too soon to talk about discovering hobbies when he'd just started working for Arthur this afternoon.